Mistaken Belief...

Continually amazed, stunned, sit in disbelief at the true delusional thinking of the Narcissistic brain. There is no grasp on reality, only their reality...their narrative...the story they create as they go along to buoy, to uphold self-deception, to escape accountability for their own actions....

Blame, my friends, lies with the victim...it trips them up, they stumble over the leavings of rage, of insane anger, of accusations, projections of the abusers actions they themselves have committed...topsy-turvy, creepy fun-house, rollercoaster of brilliantly flashy emotions.

Just a toe dipped in the waters of dark times past leaves one feeling exhausted and shaky.

I run to the light continually...I take time to meditate, breathe and release...again and again.

As many times as it takes dear hearts...we do the inner work, the self-reflection with a faulty handbook, guidebook, instructional step-by-step pages meant to help, to lay out sign posts on the path to healing, to life and love.

Take care dear treasures to listen to that still small voice that whispers love...acceptance...compassion...kindness.

You are NOT at fault...the lies will surface months, years after...speaking in dulcet tones of strife, of chaos and our place in it...

Perhaps we could have...

Perhaps we should have...

Perhaps if I...

A downward spiral of great magnitude my friends....blame, shame, regret, remorse, pain, sorrow all conspiring to lead you down the rabbit hole once more.

The soft shoe sell and dance...look what I can do, for the moment until the hoovering becomes control and you step straight back into the chaos you left.

We grow...and like any growing it comes with pain, with stretching to the breaking point...

We will not always understand dear treasures...not perhaps until years later, will the steps and actions behind the scenes become apparent.

It is a feeling of living in the dark...of not being sure why we feel the way we do, of why we choose the way we do, of why we react to certain things the way we do...

The light grows...it beckons, it leads and guides, it illuminates this turn and that, this corner, that long *ss hill that never ends...truly we find joy, we discover peace and a decided lack of fear and anxiety, we move in grace and mercy, kindness and compassion and slowly, ever so slowly life changes, it morphs into something lovely, wonderful and exciting.

Never mind the mistaken belief that we may have been able to do something different...we know, deep deep down that when in the mix we gave utterly and completely everything we had, and then gave some more, and more was demanded, expected.

Never mind dear lost ones...you give, they take. You see the dichotomy? The complete and utter mind f*ck that is the relationship you're in right now.

Confusion reigns...

Sorrow and frustration, grief and loss beyond the pale....and we're not even sure why, until we leave...until we run...until we are separate and have the time to lay it all out.

True understanding remains illusive, invisible until we are out from under.

Stay strong dear hearts...be wise...be kind...