Mourning...

What do we mourn exactly?

Yesterday was a busy day...a physically taxing day and I have come to love the feeling of a sore, pushed to the max, body...unfortunately I forgot to buy filters and this particular morning I am sitting and enjoying a cup of hot water...watching the steam rise and metaphorically kicking my own ass for not stopping and picking up the #2 filters necessary for amazing coffee.

As I sit and listen to my favourite morning go to...uplifting worship music...and stare at my 'not' coffee...the thought came to me as I read a word from a daily email...

'Do not mourn the past.' and...

'I prophesy that what is coming is so much greater.'

My mind did a lil jump in place...a surprised little gasp...for what exactly are we mourning dear hearts? Oh...immediately thoughts race to the person in question....I shake my head in dismay and with a small laugh. There is nothing there to mourn...it was a construct...a fantasy...a fabrication...as thin as tissue in the pouring rain.

Everything we thought real and true...to us...did not exist.

Mourn what? precisely what do we mourn? The closeness of another human? Someone to love, to pour out all we have?

I will tell you my friends, I mourn what I thought he was...what he presented to me, what was dangled amongst the fear, the torment, the betrayals, the breaking down of spirit and mind.

I mourned someone I believed lived trapped inside the man...I mourned the lost and broken little boy who lives battered and bloody within the false ego.

This morning I sit in disbelief at my own culpability...I sit in amazement at the human spirits ability to hope, to dream, to look to the mountains for a miracle.

We are stupefying creatures...perplexing in our penchant for lost causes...for not giving up in the face of overwhelming odds...in the face of truth we still rise from the pit and say 'we can conquer,' we can overcome this evil....

Oh dear hearts...there comes a time when we must take a stand against evil deeds...against the destruction of our own spirits despite our hope, despite our need for love from someone who cannot, will not, knows not....if change comes it will come from us.

If change is to happen it must be in defence of our own brokenness...

No more...mourning and grieving something false, mourning a lie has come to an end...must come to an end. It is laughable...not in a funny humour sort of way, but in a despairing-detached-what-a-waste sort of way.

We are worth so much more than that. Dear hearts, you are worth so much more than hanging on to a memory that does not exist within the mind of the person who drug you down into the pit. Oh, the wroth...the ireful taste of disgust over losing any time on a person of such debauchery, of such debasement that he (she) takes pleasure over your pain.

No dear friends...I stand today with you and say no...shout no...whisper it in silent places...no more wasted time. What we have before us is so much greater, filled with purpose and love and kindness and compassion.

Go with God today in grace and love...may you know His truth...may you find solace in His loving kindness and mercy. He is an infinitely patient Father...may you find courage and wisdom in your day, the strength to embrace change..to embrace truth no matter how hard, no matter how difficult. May you step out in faith and walk out your truth...there is life, good good good life awaiting you. There is love...there is peace that passes all understanding.