My Soul...

"My soul finds rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress. I will never be shaken."

Psalm 62:1-3

Each day comes with new awareness, new awakenings, new ambitions and goals...each moment filled with grace, with compassion and understanding as I find my way to me...to myself...to discovering this new 2.0 version of the old self...some days I sit in frustration at the seemingly slow progress of healing, of mending broken spaces and shattered places...other days I sit in wonder at the lifting of all things that weighed me down within the relationship...the sun shows its mighty face and illuminates the deceit spoken, the lies ground into psyche, into spirit and soul and oh the revelation, the 'seeing' all things as they should be, or should have been.

A spotlight is shone upon the evil, the desperate nature of the beast hiding shame, revulsion, self hatred and the infinitely spiralling black hole that has taken the place of a heart of compassion, that has stolen the light of love until nothing remains but darkness and all that resides within it whispering wicked thoughts, evil doings...like sweet nothings to a lover, this inflames the monster within, gives it surcease and pathetic purpose.

Do not be fooled my friends...they live amongst us, smiling and speaking with one side of their face while the other mocks, spurns, sits in contempt, laughs at your attempts to be kind, to do good to your fellow man...if there is nothing in the act for them they will bypass with nary a thought to the helpless, to the needy and infirm...

That car stuck in the snow on the Naudley Whuten reserve, bypassed because they could do nothing to improve his life...no shame, no remorse, just a coldness pervading the vehicle and looking ahead to what lay around the next bend.

How many times dear treasures, how many did we hide our faces in shame at behaviours we would never attone, never agree with? How often the beast within hand picked those moments to destroy you, cut you from the very life that gives you sustenance, gives you peace...they will place you in situations untenable and then point the finger at your lack, at your inability to change it, despite orchestrating your failure in every way.

Often I see these memories stray across the confines of mind and heart...the beauty is I no longer cringe as they pass by, oh no dear hearts, no longer...the shame never belonged to us...I sit in forgiveness for choices never within my grasp, I sit in compassion for the woman held prisoner in a pit full of vipers, sleeping next to a monster who revelled in the pain he caused.

I make conscious decisions to do right...to establish principles, ideals once again that guide us through life, that keep us firmly planted in the best of humanity possible.

May God lead and guide your steps...may He reveal your heart in the midst of chaos, may you see His goodness and His absolute love for you, His beautiful creation.

"Fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:14

May you know a peace that passes all understanding, a comfort that defies logic and a love that knows no boundaries...may you stand tall and speak your truth, with kindness...with dignity...with courage and strength of character.

God bless your days and your nights...may His arms wrap round you reminding you, you are never alone...surrounded always with love, with acceptance and grace.

God keep you safe, protected, sheltered from harm...may you find your way free of fear, of humiliation, of shame, of the evil that lives in your life.