Nights

Snow is falling steadily with a soft sushing sound as the big wet flakes hit the ground. I stand outside and look up at a black sky dotted with white as the snow comes down and I contemplate in the complete silence around me. Except for the soft sushing noise it seems strangely quiet as though the world is holding its breath waiting for what is coming next.

I know that this for me, is how I feel. As though I'm holding my breath in anticipation of what is to come, what awaits me around the next bend.

I feel lost most moments, but continue to believe that something good is going to happen and happen soon. I choose to believe that I am going to be loved and truly this time.

oh, I'm not ready... not even close. But the healing will come and I will forget the person responsible for my broken heart.

Even as I type those words I think no! it may be bruised and tattered and torn up but it is mending and I will ok again. More than ok, happy.

Knowing this doesn't always stave off the loneliness that night brings. Not having the arms around me, holding me close. That he was good at. I felt loved in those moments but soon that began to lose its appeal in the face of his hatred, contempt and anger.

I digress.... I do feel loneliness and loss. This is natural and I allow it to come and then breathe through it and let it move on. Does this work all the time? No way, nope and no how. But for every moment that I can breathe and smile and continue on.... I count that a win.

So dear hearts.... take heart, take courage, take love... It is a climb but you will make it!

One tiny baby step at a time... but you'll get there I promise.