Old Habits...

As I sit this morning for a brief time, hot coffee steams beside me and I reflect on old habits...good and bad, negative and positive....it is so easy to move into a room full of men and women and make new friends and work within a every-changing group of people from around the world and a few from my own work base. Easy to shoot the shit and exchange stories and laughter over their strange words and idioms and our own...to create an environment of comfort and enjoyment whilst working toward a common goal.

By the end of the long day I am exhausted mentally and emotionally...3 days in and I am seeing my mind trigger and twitch over familiar companies and familiar names from my past...working towards getting everyone paid and paperwork sent to the appropriate places...the energies in a revolving room of bodies...the emotions, the frustrations, the negative attitudes towards certain people...and pondering my place in the whole, in the grinding wheel of change, of organized chaos.

I sit on the balls of my feet...even while sitting...I work with eyes in the back of my head...ears pricked for words spoken, watched as a coworker sat in absolute frustration and expressed such to the room at large...and understandably so. Turned a maybe to an invitation to dinner to a no as the end of the 12 hour shift drew near... out of sheer weariness and depletion...

I have learned to say no...to not fall into old habits of pleasing others first...

I have learned to speak slowly....

I have learned to think first...and to reflect on the words I have spoken and judged them kind or not, necessary or unnecessary...do I stand in compassion and grace, do I sit in mercy and forgiveness and speak my truth with grace and dignity....

Oh dear hearts...I fall short so often. However...I step back in the ring and try again...and again. Do not give up hope...our triggers, our emotional and mental hijinks will end...

Life will bring joy every morning and love abounds everywhere I look. I am accepted by complete strangers...more...I am encouraged, loved, rejoiced in...and it is a balm despite the weariness that sits on my shoulders at the end of the day..

I pray you go today and know peace....that God sit with you in your tears and give you comfort and strength...

I pray you see your worth today and everyday forward. You are worthy of love, of kindness and compassion...of so much more than the pain and torture you endure each day.

God be with you in your pain...in your grief...in your sorrow. May you lift your head and see the beauty, the grace that is yours...may you know the love that never ends, never judges, never forsakes or abandons. God bless you today with an abundance of hope and peace that passes all understanding...hold your heads high dear ones...walk tall and speak your truth...