Promises....

Two nights now spent in the new love shack…so named as only love is allowed to reside here…only love and kindness, grace and compassion…no mean, spiteful words meant to maim and measure your worth as wanting, as lacking.

Only patience and mercy…no screaming adult stuck and stunted at a young childish age for the rest of their days, too immersed in ever retreating from the truth of who they truly are….monsters.

Two mornings awakening to the sound of birds trilling, cows lowing…and peace…no strife, no creative chaos waiting for half-asleep me…pouncing before I have a chance to fully awake and formulate a response.

Fresh cup of heaven in hand…surveying the beauty of the area, feeling a cool morning breeze alleviating the memory of heat the day/night before.

The fears and anxieties about the move melt away in the face of love and faith…faith in a God who moved mountains to provide a way of escape, who sat with me…walked with me…protected me…. sent angels watch over my days and nights against an evil I have rarely seen.

I was reminded yesterday of all that I had left behind and I sat with a shudder of horror…for what I endured.

I sat with relief…for not being in the depths of hell, always wondering if this was the time I didn’t make it…if the build-up of rage would topple over in to insanity and death.

I sat with a heavy heart for whoever is now living with the degrading, the demeaning…the endless cycle of push and pull in order to cast you into the role of subservience, of bowing to the master, of making him your entire universe…it is demanded, beat into, and expected.

Dear hearts…you are not alone in this fight…so many women are suffering (and men) at the so-called loving hands of their partners. Is it time to crawl out from under the weight placed on your shoulders? The crushing weight of expectation, of judgement, of derision over your pathetic attempts to do what they say will make them love you…you are worthy of so much more than that my friends, so very much more.

My prayer for you today is that you find within yourself the courage and the worth to step out, to step away and believe in yourself…in who you are and what you were created to be. Loved, appreciated, needed, necessary…no tests, no expectations…just you as you are…worthy.

Go with God today dear lost ones…stand tall, stand proud and carry a big stinking stick to fight back the enemy, to fight against the poison spoken over you every day, to fight the ungodly pressure to perform for a partner who continually changes the goal posts…who uproots them and moves them incrementally further and further away…the impossible mission, the never-ending saga of fighting for a love that doesn’t exist…only heartache.

I’m so very sorry my friends…for the grief that sits with such weight in your heart. I understand and would tell you that it does get better, that the escape is worth every frightening moment.

You are worthy…you are loved….always.