Purpose...

'You are my purpose...' the Last of Us

I want to be someones purpose, as much as they are mine...

I want to know that the rest of my life I will be loved, cherished and adored.

All of me...

This morning the excitement of a future I have no idea about hit me...as soon as my feet touched the floor, I was flooded with a sense of hope, a sense of peace...and I feel the arms of the Heavenly Father round about me. I have been told by wiser people than I that I need to rest, to take this time to rest and heal and stop worrying about the future.

They aren't wrong...however, I am coming to realize that from an early age I went from purpose to purpose to purpose...driven by the need to do, the need to be....more...in so doing I fulfill a place in my heart that seeks to find a home, a place of safety and a purpose driven life. That purpose at one time was the man I loved...until that purpose distorted, became a misshapen and manipulated monstrous mess of fear, loathing and ludicrous limerick.

Don't let someone skew your love into something blasphemous, into something one-sided and harmful...to you, to your heart, to your well-being...

The clues are there....if you sit and contemplate for a minute....just for sixty seconds....and see the truth, the heart of the matter in all its glorious wrongness....

They are popularly called red flags...for good reason...when shit hits the fan, quietly or loudly, you know....oh dear friends, victims, survivors....you saw truly....trust your heart, your mind and your intelligence. Trust that still small voice within you....

You see the issues in technicolour but you believe you can save, you can love enough to pull that man/woman from the depths of darkness they reside in. You are mind-f*cked, brain-washed....dripped, dribbled and dropped crumbs from their table to keep you doing all you can and beyond....stupidly genius manipulations....

Walking away will not end a relationship where the person in question truly loves you...if they love as you do, would they hurt you the way they do, or did?

You would do anything for the one you love....

You would make changes to your behaviour if it was hurtful...

You would....

So, dear struggling hearts...why doesn't the one you love do the same for you?

They....the monster, the abuser, the narcissist, the sociopath, the psychopath CANNOT and WILL NOT change the way they are...for anyone. It isn't you...it's them, and for them....always and forever.

No matter who they are with; the grooming...the devaluing...the abandoning...the neglectful treatment...the silences....the betrayals...the lies...the secret life they lead behind the scenes is for their benefit, for their protection....anything and anyone who threatens that false self, that delusion, is thrown to the side like so much garbage....that is what the victim, the supply is...garbage to be tossed, while grabbing on to the next source that feeds their ego; that praises, gives unconditional adoration without question, that bows at the feet of the god of the home.

It sounds melodramatic....because it is. They truly believe in their rightness, in their benevolence....didn't they give you a home? Didn't they let you stay in their home?

Didn't they do so much for you?

I pray you hear my heart today.... Oh how I wish for an end to your pain...your suffering...

oh how I wish to spare you the agony, the slippage of sanity, the loss of self....

I pray daily for nameless, faceless women (and men) who are in it, right now at this moment...cowering in fear...constantly in fight, flight or freeze mode....

The fear is all encompassing is it not dear friends? That....God...THAT is the most gargantuan of red flags...the clue in the game board of life waving desperately at your psyche, screaming to be heard....Fear does not belong with Love...ever.

I pray you find a safe way to run....I pray for a covering of protection, of guardian angels to watch over you and yours.

You....are...worthy...of all that is good and lovely

Stand....for yourself, for your children, for your pets....you are more than capable...

You are more....more than that person in your life....a heart for others, a love for those in need, in pain. Step up and step out into the light that awaits you. You got this...

May God provide you with the way out...may He make a way and keep you safe.

I leave you with these lyrics, lyrics that sustained me in the darkest and most frightening of moments...lyrics I would speak, lyrics I would pray....over and over and over....when I did not know where to go...when I did not know how to escape...when I saw no end but death....

'Way maker Miracle worker Promise keeper Light in the darkness My God That is who you are Way maker Miracle worker Promise keeper Light in the darkness My God That is who you are...

You wipe away all tears

You mend the broken heart

You're the answer to it all

Jesus

You wipe away all tears

You mend the broken heart

You're the answer to it all (to it all)

Jesus...' song by Sinach.

my heart is for you....you are not alone....