Reflection...

I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror....I see the wrinkles, the changes that come with age...I feel the time it takes to recover from hard physical toil and the aches and pains that come along with it. I do not often think on my age...years come and go...rather my purpose here on this planet we call earth...each day pushing the envelope on heart and mind, body and spirit, asking God for the grace to be better, to do better....

This morning I stood in front of the mirror and saw the girl I was...saw the teenager I was...the young adult...the young mom who had no idea what we were doing having babies...the mother, the sister, the auntie, the wife all sliding across the mirror like a slideshow showcasing the years, the events...the regrets and remorse, the joy and the sorrow....the years that slid by in such rapid succession I stand and wonder where the time went.

This morning as I stood readying coffee I thought on things I do now I didn't do before...I think on skills I have now I didn't have then...I reflect on the wisdom of hindsight and thoughts of what I would have done differently. I do not stay there though as I know those lines in my head by heart...they are written indelibly upon my mind and heart, burned into my very soul....

Ah dear hearts....we, each one of us, have things in the past we would change if we could....each one has given time travel the gimlet eye...wondering where they would go and when...what they would change or keep the same.

I had so much more to say to my friend, my teenage friend and eventual husband ..this has been the overlying loop running on a looped track through the confines of mind, heart and spirit...as I continue to come up against the truth and wish for a different outcome...for the truth in this case to be wrong, faulty, unreliable...

Dear treasures...love saves us....forgiveness completes us...grace and mercy move us...

It has been a week of grief, of sorrow, of prayer for family and friends...wednesday I could no longer tread water, could no longer keep my head above water...with no waiting for permission or acknowledgment, the tears came...and they stayed...grief filled my vision, forcing me to deal with the inner turmoil, the sorrow not only felt by my children, but my own.

My heart is grateful, so very thankful for the understanding and compassion of co-workers who with very little knowledge of my personal life moved in with words of encouragement and love...moved in with hugs of understanding...it has been a season of loss for my forestry tech and boss...a season of loss in the wildfire community, a season of loss within the small community I live in. So many heavy hearts....time and time again my heart turns to God and the grace and comfort He brings...I pray unceasing for comfort for my children and close family and friends...I pray for words of wisdom and compassion...I thank God for His Love that never fails, never leaves nor forsakes...Love that encompasses all who walk in this life, and the next.

My prayer for you today is that you would let the grief come, let it wash over you, through you and recede...ebbing and flowing as life continues on around you. The mammoth waves of grief pass....become smaller though consistent....

You are known, seen and accepted dear treasures...cherished...your heart of sorrow seen...

Psalms 147:3 'He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.'

Psalm 34:18 'The LORD is near to the brokenhearted.'

May you go today in grace...knowing love saves, binds us in place...keeps us here, comforts in times of trouble..in times of loss...

May you know the comforting arms of the Father....may you feel His peace despite the travails that come. God bless each one of you as you face the day...bless your courageous hearts with more, with all you need to move through each day as it comes. God bless your broken hearts...