Rocky Mornings...

The coffee is piping hot and heavenly as I sit and sip in the dark, the snow falling softly past my window, and contemplate my ability to naively think that I should be ok....that I should be past the lonely mornings...that I should be over the dark thoughts and darker emotions...that the pollyanna portion of my strange brain should be kicking in, any time now.

I mean...how long does it take to move past Complex Trauma? Is there a timeline I can check my progress against? A study done by numerous universities, theorists and a whole platoon of pscyh doctors?

I am, in turn; impatient, irritable, jumpy, twitchy, restless, exhausted...which sounds like a good start to renaming the 12 dwarves. I am not me, not myself, nor Irene (Jim Carrey 2000 comedy reference), the world is a strange alien planet and I'm the newcomer...standing out like a sore thumb. It is the ultimate oxymoron to feel invisible and conspicuous at the same time, but...It is a thing. Every nerve ending is on fire and hyper-alert to danger in any form. Overly sensitive does not begin to cover it.

Dear hearts... this...this is the healing journey and it is not for the faint of heart...

Well, today, I feel faint of heart...however, I know that this too, shall pass. Recognizing that emotions will come and go at a pace to match the breaking of the sound barrier and just as loud...

I speak these raw and ugly truths for you...and for me....

As a reminder...that love shines through and we get closer to the light at the end of the tunnel everyday...

As a pledge..... to be with you as you go through your healing process....and to be kind to ourselves, extending the same mercy and compassion you do to others...

We are alive...we are well...and we are on our way to true freedom and a truly fine life that we make for ourselves...

Stay strong dear friends and cling to life, to hope, to faith and most of all, to love.

We are worthy of a magical kind of love....