Roots...

One more morning of driving to a prearranged staging area, the sun lighting up the sky to my left as I made my way down the Bobtail. One more glorious morning witnessing the movement of all manner of animals and fowl...watching smoke rise from the sidelines as I grow closer to the area being ravaged by flames. After spending a portion of the morning with the crews gathered, plans were made for the rest of the day and the next morning set up with the expectation of a rather large contingent of South African firefighters so graciously coming to assist in battling the wildfires currently taking over northern BC.

I began my move to the next fire, cutting across via the Bobtail to the 500 road...singing along with the music, enjoying the sight of leaves changing colour, dappling in the sunlight, I rounded a corner and down a dip to find two trees on the road. One blocking it completely...the fire had made its way to the road, ground fire only, leaving the trees green and eating away at the roots. Parking the truck well back and radioing a full stop to alert other drivers I got out and made my way up to assess whether I could pull the tree out of the way or at the very least drive over the thinner top.

Cracking alerted me as I stood gazing up the slope at the ash covered hill. I turned back to the truck in time to hear a loud crack/snap and began to hot foot it back as I saw one tall tree begin to fall. The fire was falling trees in quick succession across the road, with heart in my throat I jumped in the truck and watched from a safe distance as trees came down where only moments before I had been standing.

Once again I relate this to life...to things beneath the surface eating away at the roots, at the foundation of our hearts and minds. How secrets can destroy perfectly healthy relationships... sorrow and sadness...torment and abuse...what we see on the surface dear friends is most often not truth.

The lies upon lies told...compounded by derision and disgust...why my friends...why do we sit in that filth and continue to love more, require more of ourselves than the one we're with?

It is the question of the ages...the trauma traps...it engulfs as surely as fire has engulfed our province...each step is fraught with danger of eruption...each move adding fuel to a raging fire.

This morning I struggle to pour out what is inside...what lives within...to express in words the topsy turvy workings of the mind of a victim. The absolute need to be loved by the one person who would rather hate...the indefinable desire to have the one who hurt you, heal you.

No longer dear hearts...no longer will I hold on to that which would rob me of joy...in the present and in the future. I walk forward, look forward and leave the past where it belongs.

I no longer live there, nor take anything from it beyond a lifetimes worth of experience and learning what is not acceptable...ever.

I set my feet upon a path of adventure...the world is waiting and I am ready to join it in whatever capacity God has for me. I would take you with me on this journey and pray for your feet to be planted in high places...high above the torment you have endured. To step out and leave it all behind for good...the person left behind is not worth a seconds thought, not worth another tear or fear...

Go today dear treasures and find your way...set your mind to better, to more...to one day being loved by someone who understands love...who embraces it and pours it out and over you...

Walk tall...stand proud and speak your truth my friends...you are worthy of love, of kindness, of compassion...always.