Ships...

I sailed across a sea of dirt leading in every direction and on either side stretched trees of green mixed with black, with grey and white from a fire so hot it bent hundreds of trees so far over, the tippy tops were touching the ground. Blue, blue sky followed our path as we traversed the bumpiest of roads I've had the pleasure of driving....on to the far off horizon and next fire where the browns and reds of the smoke obliterated the suns rays as it rose in billowing clouds.

Today more than any other we were two solitary witnesses to a whole host of animals crossing a particular byway leading from one fire to the other. Fox, coyote, bear, deer, cow and calf moose, rabbits, squirrels, birds by the hundreds and a mama lynx with her two cubs scurrying across the 500 rd near the Kenney Dam...all crossing in the same direction, at times within twenty feet of another...it was a disconcerting feeling watching these animals and fowl of the air of all kinds backtracking towards Ootsa lake.

I have felt under attack for the last little while...each day a struggle mentally and emotionally...I have been fighting a conclusion for some time now, I wrestle with speaking of another person even in a factual way, however....so much of what this person does is similar to what I left behind, without the physical portion. A narcissist in the making...I grow quiet as the day progresses and we are confined to a vehicle together for hours on end.

You see my friends...we have continual opportunities presented to help us learn, to hone skills and heal through present moment times. Oh, it's not easy...far from it. I struggle to be kind, to be patient, to be truthful in a gracious and dignified manner...all while knowing that anything I say will be stored away for later, to be used against me. And so I work on heart and mind and spirit protection...on praying and seeking God in all I do, in the words that pass my lips.

I understand one thing...that if it was not work I would drop that relationship to the wayside. I would not give my time and effort to another narcissist...ah the relief in the knowing, in the understanding that I have grown to such an extent that I can recognize without judgement and move on. I will pray and extend kindness from afar...I will protect the woman within...I will surround myself with men and women who are interested in building up, not tearing down. I will remember who I am...that was the word that continued to run a loop through my mind as I drove yesterday along a particularly tough back road...comments from the peanut gallery to my right like 'why are we driving so fast?' and 'didn't you see that bump?' ah sarcasm and its truthful bite...which bump on a road filled with bumps and the occasional flat smooth spot?

Faced with a convoy of 8 pickups following along behind me, carrying crews out to the fire I refused to slow to a crawl for the offended coworker.

I will tell you a truth that is hard to express...we are programmed for pleasing, placating, pacifying and appeasing strong personalities. Anyone with a narcissistic tendency, with a psychopathic personality...I saw these moments as they unfolded and despaired....I bore witness to my own jumping to attention...the moments of sheer frustration and stubbornness as I stood tall and spoke truth...and saw truth revealed in the crew member.

I go each day to work tensed and ready for battle...to stand for myself and the brokenness that cries out for defence, for a line drawn in the sand. Boundaries placed are broken down, walked through, pummeled...and replaced, stronger and higher....

Dear treasures...how God desires our growth, for us...for our protection, for our happiness and peace and contentment. The irony has not been lost on me...the asking if I'm ok when they are the cause of the issues at hand. The constant needing of reinforcement, of praise, of 'look at me and what I did.' The energy sucking vampire lives in others, not just the ones we left behind and so we must take a stand dear lost and found treasures. We must...

I go today, back out to the fires and I think on strategies for war...for a battlefield I can walk away from at the end of a long day.

I remind myself daily.... 'We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

Go today my friends...in confidence...go in the sure knowledge that you are worthy of fighting for...

Go today dear treasures and stand for you...for your mental and emotional health, however that may present itself in your circumstances. They will not change, but you will...you will gain strength, courage and wisdom. It is not for us to make a change in those particular people...no it is not our responsibility though we would take it on...that is between them and God, between their hearts and the heart of God.

You are loved and cherished and accepted right where you are my friends...you are worthy of all that is good and lovely and beautiful. Joy, peace, loving kindnesses and compassion...may they flood your life with healing grace, with the balm of hope and salve of love. May each wound be tended and blessed with healing power...

Stand tall my friends...stand and speak...walk proud and walk out your special path....