Sickness...

I love the snow...I love the way it blankets everything in its path, everything; tree boughs hang heavy with the weight of 24 hours worth of snowfall, roads and paths covered in blinding white with tracks going hither and yon. I spent a full day staring out my window and marvelling at the massive snowflakes falling to the ground, creating an apocalyptic setting of quiet stillness.

And then come the heroes of every northern city blessed with the white stuff....plow trucks rumble down the roads today along with an army of small machinery clearing parking lots and foot paths in this quaint little town.

Saturday evening I felt a tiny bit off but needed that night out to remind myself that there is life, love and laughter waiting outside...me. Sunday was a battle as I had a birthday to attend, and despite my love for my family, anxiety perks up...demands to be heard.

By dinner time I was aware that I wouldn't be making that drive as the flu bug built its way to a crescendo event. Lovely.

It got me thinking....not that my brain shuts off, however, there are many different ways of thinking...positive, negative, highs, lows....

Sickness.... physical or mental, brings new life or brings death. The sickness of the mind embodies all that is wrong with the world. Psychopaths, sociopaths, the plain Jane narcissist...the high and the mighty, the entitled, the arrogant, the misogynistic...sick and decrepit, oozing pain and disease they prey upon the unwary, the trusting, the loving...their aim dear hearts is not for joy or love. Their aim is to fill the hole, to feel righteous, to feel right in their teensy tiny world as they know it....to fulfill this aim they must grind down those around them, yet hide their true nature. I used to wonder where the extreme stress in the man I loved came from...Oh, we all have stressors, stresses and anxieties.....the tip of the iceberg when It came to my personal monster. Imagine if you will, the amount of effort it takes to play so many sides of the game, keep up the farce that is their life. Imagine the stress it would create.

Perhaps a volcano would be a better example of the small spews of sickness that would appear, and appear, and appear until the grand finale would occur, disgorging poisonous words and actions. There is no battling this sickness....as in a volcano situation one must exit, escape, run for your life....Otherwise you run the risk of losing not only your life, but your sanity and every damn thing you hold dear.

Run dear hearts...sickness of the soul as portrayed by your abuser, your monster, the one you love so very much leads only to death, no matter how much you pray and work on you.

No matter how or what you change to accommodate, to compromise, to be a better you.....

No matter the sacrifices at the alter of his/her god complex....

No matter the absolute unconditional love you give....

It will never be enough....ever....

The belief is this....they deserve more, they deserve better...and will continue seeking for that pink unicorn...the pot at the end of the rainbow.... until the day they die, miserable and alone. Whether with someone or not....they remain alone.... intimacy is and always will be a foreign notion, commitment a joke, loyalty a thing of mystery....

The abuser takes pleasure wherever he/she can find it, no matter the cost to those that love them. They, and only they are important despite the words they speak.

Oh my friends, I struggle to convey warnings within my writings...I struggle to speak my truth competently enough to help those in the midst of the battle.

Listen to your gut....listen to your heart.... it does not lie, it speaks truth...and you are worthy of so much more...

Are you not tired of explaining basic human decency to the one you love? Of explaining the very basic of human kindnesses and compassion? Of explaining what you need from them? The truth is harsh....they are not capable of giving you what you need, only taking...only demanding...

Run....be swift, be wise....speak softly, carry a big stick....

God keep you safe and make His face shine upon you, wherever you are...