Silence....

In the silence I have found peace...I have found my footing in the quiet,

In the depths of the forest amidst monolithic giant Fir limbs reaching to the sky in supplication...

... amidst the hairy many-arm'd Spruce reaching out, out, out for the warmth of the sun, for a touch of the creator...

...amidst the smaller Pine lending their scent to all who come to walk, to see...

...surrounded by the weed family of the bush...poplar, growing tall and straight beside the like-minded Birch, blindingly white in the winter sun...

...standing at the winter waters edge...snow covers the ice as far as the eye can see, not a sound beyond ice shifting, crackling slightly...beyond the sound of an eagles wings beating against cool air as he wings his way across the sky...

In silence dear hearts, we hear our hearts desires, our goals, our dreams...they speak to us, urging us on in loving whispers to do what we love, to lay it before God and believe...

In silence dear treasures, we hear our pain, our sorrows, our fears...they speak to us, demanding space to be, to breathe through the memories as they float to the surface in priority sequence, to lay it before God and breathe...

These past months have been a gift...a gift of such beauty it floods my mind, takes up every bit of space on my phone with photos, with videos....a gift of truth demanding to be heard and reflected on, a gift of a quiet space, a safe place to let it come...let the flashbacks rise and take their place among the sounds, scents, and views familiar to that place in my life, that mile marker delineated by shouts, screams, anger and the fog that envelops, protects after a particularly harsh round of fists, head, elbows, knees meet your flesh.

Dear friends...healing is not easy...it is not simple, nor linear....there is no guide book for this trip, even the trauma based books speak to this...that healing is incredibly individualistic, personal, as inherently unique as your dna...

The impossible mountain meets determination, meets anger necessary to fuel the airplane, to get it off the ground and soaring to new heights, new sights and sounds...the impossible meets God, the author of 'possible,' of 'miraculous,' of 'able to do all things.'

That daunting valley, that thirsty desert...possible....doable....you are capable, more than....you are a warrior from way back and have risen to your feet again, and again, and again through the kind of hell no one wishes to speak of, talk about...now, get to your feet once again and make your way out, away, asta la vista baby, i'll 'not' be back...

Oh, I can see it dear lost ones...I see you pick yourself up, stand a moment to dust yourself off and gaze at the green, white tipped mountain before you...a small smile appears on your face, wonder at the freedom awaiting and slightly afraid, oh so afraid of what awaits you...

PEACE....peace that passes all understanding....

JOY...you will find joy in the littlest of things as you suffered from too little of that and now...so many things offer joy...

KINDNESS....oh I cannot stress this enough...the drinking in, the soaking in like a sponge of the kindness given freely...basic human kindness missing from your abuser.

LOVE...the real kind....whats real we ask? What can we trust, who can we trust? oh my friends, it is learning curve...but it exists....

God is able my friends...Waymaker...Miracle Worker...Light in the Darkness...He will make a way...stand tall, walk with pride, with a knowing that you are worthy, worthy of all that is good, all that is lovely.