Silence...

Is golden...is complete...healing comes with quiet contemplation, with a surfeit of time and space, with a lack of noise and tacit input....and yet...

This past weekend I followed instinct and that still small voice whispering, 'you are not an island,' to speak with a woman of God, a woman full of wisdom and grace, a woman of courage and strength, kindness and love...dreams had been ravaging my sleep, creating a constant sense of awareness despite being in sleep mode.

My days were bright and full of beauty despite the lack of proper sleep...I thanked God, and still do, for His grace to get through each day with energy, with a sharp mind; but knew it was time to seek counsel, to seek someone I trusted to pray over mind and heart as I battled things unseen.

These days I have learned to listen to instinct, to that still small voice speaking within...I hesitate less, speak more in moments pregnant with tension, speak less in moments not requiring my voice or wisdom borne of experience...the ego falls away, not out of fear but with understanding of others and their need to be heard, seen and known.

My friends, this life is so damn short...as I listen to others, opening heart and soul, mind and spirit, I see the waste, the squandering of effort and energy over selfish pursuits (no judgement cause been there, done that), over silly arguements and discord...I withdraw as needed, step in when necessary to encourage or lift up, but hold my tongue in hopes of putting time and effort elsewhere.

I often fail...often I return home and go over moments I could have done different, better, more...and promise myself to think harder, plan wiser...

I wonder today, as I finally sit down to write, if what is being typed out on this page is making sense...you see dear treasures, healing is a long road and often, so often, I step back and take second, third and fourth looks to be sure I speak not only out of pain and sorrow, but out of wisdom.

I seek truth within and without...I seek to know myself better, deeper...

I look back on events far past and know without a doubt that they will always be with me yes, however, they lack the power to deviate me from the path I have set out on. They lack power to hurt, to maim, to disturb...instead I am sickened by the actions of the monster, sickened by his need for evil, for harming those he vows to protect and love. A many-tongued creature spouting lies to hide the hideous nature within.

Once again I know this sounds dramatic, but dear friends, this is far from the true dramatics of those steeped in the need for power, for control...truly, truly, truly....it is a fearsome thing and while I hold back in relating stories out of fear of sounding so, or attention seeking in any way, I would say to you that it is the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to abuses perpetrated upon myself and many others I have talked with. I have heard stories I was unaware of in relation to the man I ran from and wondered that they weren't common knowledge that would have saved the next woman in line.

This...this is why I write, in part. In the hopes that the next victim being groomed sees, knows, understands and runs while she can.

This, this is why I write, to warn those who read, and recognize the same poison, the same harm being done within their own relationship. Get out while you can, before the damage is so extensive you believe yourself trapped, know yourself to be unable, useless, in the eyes of everyone around you.

Lies...each one...you are capable, strong, and able to do anything you put your mind to, and more...you are deserving of love, of kindness, of grace and mercy, of compassion and forgivenss. All those things you give out? You deserve them back, every day. Every damn day.

My prayer is that these words find you, whoever you are dear lost one.

My prayer is that you find strength within to believe in YOU...to love yourself enough to go, to find peace, to believe in truth and in that little voice that is screaming at you to run, run, run.

God go with you each day, every minute and every hour, keeping you safe and protected. May you find your path of healing and escape.