Sit With Me...

I sat, stood, moved and dipped my toes under a cloud this weekend until finally being submerged completely, head slipping under waves that soothed even while whispering siren songs of pain, of former and present torment...buoyed by memories I let the current take me, I allowed the whim of thought and emotion flood in...

This morning I awoke with a gasp...with the sinking feeling I had been lost for a time...adrift, alone...yet never alone...with a turn, in a blink He was there, residing within, only awaiting my attention...

White noise cancelled out the voice of a friend who never judges, loves always beyond what we can possibly ever imagine...

Let no one ever tell you that healing is an easy journey...worth every second, every inch gained but no, never easy my friends...some days it is a skip and a jump to new territory, others...others it is a clawing for purchase, for handholds, for a lifeline to bring you out of the depths...

Dreams plagued my fractured sleep...nightmares brought about by diving deep, delving into fears, into anger, into a rage so deep it defies description...

This morning as I went through a familiar routine, the smell of coffee, a ding from an early morning text, sounds of birds trilling in the cool air of morning brought back memories so clear, so close I instantly felt the anxiety sitting heavy in my belly...felt fear crowding my mind, dulling senses...until with a breath expulsed with force from holding too long, I stopped in mid-stride and thanked God, mightily and with much emotion for never having to go back to THAT...no longer needing to worry over a text coming in that would bring the crazy to the surface... no more to sit with a monster in the quiet of the morning wondering what mayhem would surface this day...

Oh the gratitude...oh the thankful heart for peace, for comfort, for loving kindness and compassion, for basic human decency and the ability to walk away from anyone NOT providing those things, choosing mental health over faulty attention...choosing grace and mercy over games and manipulation...protecting heart and soul, standing with truth and speaking same.

And so this morning I look to the day ahead with pleasure, knowing the souls I work with have character, live with principle and high ideals...

The healing continues in the background, its own form of white noise but no longer demanding every ounce of attention and focus.

The journey continues dear treasures with every step we take, with every inch we gain...

May God bless your personal journey and keep you in His presence, may His love and mercy lead you on to peace that defies description...

You are loved, you are necessary....