Something New, Something Old...

I read something this morning that rocked my carefully ordered world...

I love people; their stories, happenstances, history and absolute humanity despite losses that would grind anyone to a halt. I love digging deep, sharing parts of myself in a mutual dance of kindness and respect. Until...

"As a rule, trauma survivors like to dig deep. We're not good at staying on the surface. We've been to the puppet show & seen the strings.

F*ck it.

Sometimes that's about our fear that if we DON'T dive deep, we'll get fooled or miss something.

Hypervigilance is hard to shake."

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle.

So you see dear friends, the truth is we seek to see...we seek to know what dangers may be presented within time spent in that particular persons company.

The more a narcissist speaks, the greater the likelihood that they will reveal themselves; with a word spoken, an implied tone, a shift of the eyes, the dance of hands in the air.

I cannot explain it much further than that...it is a feeling, no, much more than that dear treasures, it is a knowing.

My brain screams at me as I continue in conversation until able to retreat and find the quiet; in stillness, listen to that voice warning of danger....judgement, violence, sexual harassment couched in jokes and side glances, or the petty jealousies of other women giving the 'skank' stare as we call it.

A look of contempt, a dismissive glance or word...all reveal the amount of time you want to spend with that person; very little or none at all.

It is always disappointing, most usually surprising, despite that still small voice warning of something off, something not quite right.

I do not speak of normal, respectful human interactions my friends. I speak of those who walk among us searching, seeking to devour, to drain, to cause destruction.

Not one person on this planet can avoid those kind of people...each has had encounters within family, in the workplace, in friendships and intimate relationships. And it sucks.

In our need for denial of true horror and evil, we open our doors out of kindness and find things stolen from us with a breath, a slight of hand.

I listen more these days...I scan, I observe, I judge, and tally words with actions...

I listen for tone and inflection and then speak truth with kindness but with all firmness.

No need for anger when allowing the heart to unfold and hand out reality and hopefully wisdom; then walking away lighter, freer for it.

For some I speak not, rather I give them a view of my back as I walk away...if you are out for my destruction in even small ways, then a 'parting' of the ways begins.

We must save our mental health, our energy for those who understand basic human compassion, who give for loves sake, not for gain or for usury.

Love saves...oh it saves, but the sad truth my friends is that not ALL are saved, nor saveable.

They choose death, they choose harm and unspeakable tortures...they choose perversity and delusion.

Most can not write of it on these pages...it is not the shame we battle, no...it is knowing the horror of it may lead you to doubt the author's honesty.

Chaos squared...

Depravity unequaled...

And so I see something new amongst the old...my eyes have been unveiled to truth.

Just a slight turn to the right and there a discerning word draws the mind and heart follows...

I do love people...but I see that there is another level to traverse down, a need to draw out information that will lead to safety.

May God guide you, lead you to safety, to those who value and treasure who you are, not what you DO.

May you stand tall clothed in strength and courage and may God grant you grace to accept hard truths.