Stuff...

Filaments of silk weave their way through my mind as I sleep....emotions, thoughts, feelings of impending events sat heavy upon my mind and spirit as I woke briefly through the night...twice I spoke out loud to God, to the cat at my feet, to myself as I lay processing...Father? What energies, what thoughts of mayhem and grinding of teeth are being thought my way...it may sound somewhat silly, ridiculous even, however....I have experienced these moments before and found them to be accurate. I have searched out, sought, seeking answers from those in my small circle including the man I left behind in a cloud of dust. Nine times out of ten it has been a foreshadowing, picking up on the energy of someone thinking of me...for good or for bad.

These past days have been full of life, full of goodness...oh yes they have also been full of sentiment, of sorrow, of loss...those are at the edges of my consciousness, tickling my senses until I allow them to flit across the confines of my mind, heart and spirit. Each time I let them out to play more is released to the heavens....more is dropped to the dirt and walked upon as I continue forward, shaking the dust from my feet as I tread as far as possible from the things that pulled me, pushed me, poked and prodded me into the pit of desolation.

Ah you see my friends...even here as I write the emotions sit close to the surface. The beauty, the grace, the blessing is it no longer creates a tsunami that carries me away.

No longer does it sweep me off my feet to be pushed this way and that, crushed beneath the weight of waters of regret, remorse and grief...love forsaken, rejected and misused.

Dear hearts...healing takes you above the waves, puts you in the captains seat with full control at the helm, hand upon the wheel controlling the rudder and the direction you wish to go.

Storms may come....hurricanes even, creating waves of gigantic proportions...and yet you sit in that seat upon a ship built of a love that never ends, of acceptance, of grace and mercy...buoyed by the Hand of God and His plans for you. Unlike the Titanic...unsinkable...built by the master...created by your experiences, your pain, by the love given out and out and out....strong and mighty....feet planted, face turned to the sun, moon and stars plotting your course to sunny shores...to happiness, to joy, to love and laughter.

Ride those waves dear treasures in confidence, in the sure knowledge that what you survived, what you may be surviving at this very moment, has given you the strength of a thousand Samsons. Oh yes, we may feel weak...we may feel tired and depleted and yet...there you are walking, talking, dancing, laughing, giving of yourself...it is a mighty strength to get up everyday and try again no matter what happened the day before...no matter the fear throughout the night. You push through, again and again and again....

Akin to the soldier in battle...getting up despite his/her injuries and taking up their gun they crawl, they stand, they continue on...you would say 'what courage!' 'What grit!'

Why then do we not give ourselves that same astonishment? Shame holds us in its grip dear friends...when in the pit we are told it is all our fault, our responsibility....there is something wrong with us...how lucky we are to be loved even a little by the ones who put us there.

What hogwash dear hearts...what lies....

It is not your fault...not on you, never on you.

Again back to the battle weary soldier...slowly plodding onward, mortally wounded but not giving in, not giving up...his wounds, his pain inflicted by the enemy....

Love your enemies, pray for them...from afar. You can love someone and not be able to be with them...I truly believe that God does not require us to sacrifice our hearts, our minds, our spirits to those bent on our destruction. I've said it before and will again...the responsibility of their salvation, and I'm talking here and now, not just God's salvation.

Their salvation, their stepping off the path of destroying others to feel better about themselves, that belongs to them...solely and wholly theirs.

Take yourself out of the battle dear hearts...heal and see that life is good...joy awaits, as hard as that is to believe right this minute...I stand today in witness to the wonder of God and His healing balm, His comfort to the broken. You are not forgotten nor forsaken...never alone...

I pray that today you will see, truly see what you are meant for.

I pray for the grace and strength to move forward, to move from the field of battle to peace...to love...to acceptance...to being cherished for who you are.

Stand tall my friends, walk proud and speak your truth...

You're worth it....worthy of a magical kind of love....