Sunshine & Rainbows...

This morning started off with love in the form of the big moose living in my cozy home, growing bigger each day at a startling rate...as I let him out the door I observed with not a little bit of dismay, we were being blessed with snow...despite this, the birds were in full morning mode with singing and chirping to greet the day.

They do not need sunshine and rainbows...just the rising of the sun, no matter how watery it may look on the horizon as it graces us with warmth, with a promise of new life each and every day.

As I heated hot water I reflected on gratitude, on thankfulness no matter the weather, no matter the storms that come, the bumps and thumps along this thing we call life...I choose happiness in the direst of moments, I choose joy over anger, frustration, and teeth-grinding annoyances in human form...let it never be said we are not each one human in every respect...how easy it is to jump to negative emotions in negative circumstances, and each feeling is valid, is right and true...it is the aftermath I speak of, the hours and days that follow...choosing grace, adopting mercy and loving kindness despite or in the face of others choices, words, actions.

It is not always easy, nor comfortable being human...faced with emotions we at times know not what to do with; where to store, how to release for our peace....

Our contentment, our peace lies in reflection, in turning inward and seeking resolution however that looks...with tears, with supplication, with determination to rid our bodies (for this is where the pain is stored) and minds of that which would weigh us down with each step. Anger dogs the step, resentment floods the mind and gives way to words not meant for us...we release, we drop the weight to the ground and find peace amidst grace, within mercy and love...not only for the perpetrator of your sorrow, oh no dear friends, but for yourselves as well.

Give yourself that love, that forgiveness, that mercy and grace as you walk free of control, of coercion, of torture and terror at the hands of monsters who feel no remorse, no guilt, only entitlement to meet out lies, betrayals, horrific acts of physical and sexual abuses....

Surcease will never be found at the feet of one who would do you wrong with such ease, with such forethought...healing will not be given within the one who threw you into the pit of refuse and destruction.

Hear my heart I beseech you dear lost ones, dear survivors wondering if something they didn't do was the cause...didn't love enough, didn't forgive enough, didn't calmly speak enough...oh the lies forged in the fires of hell placed deliberately within your mind...

I mastered the art of speaking in calm, dulcet tones...I received a masters degree in communication....reached new levels of long suffering in the face of evil...new depths of love meant to soothe the beast....

All for naught....I learned I was not the problem, not the issue...my responses, though calm and quietly spoken, were met with higher levels of rage...met with more vitriol, more verbal meltdowns, harsh fists meeting flesh...as though loving kindness was kryptonite to their very being, shining a light on the absurdity of their actions, holding a mirror revealing their shameful acts....

You see my friends, dear treasures all...darkness cannot refract light, it cannot accept the brightness of dawn within themselves lest they drown in shame, in guilt, in remorse at every single choice to do harm over a span of four decades...

The more you love, the harder they hate...the more you give out grace and mercy, you showcase their own failings, their own lack of depth and heartfelt emotion...

It is a tough lesson to learn...the if-only's are a lie...unless it is directed to the one you live with, or have finally run from...

If-only they had a heart...

If-only they understood kindness without obligation, without keeping score...

If-only actions followed words, promises given...

If-only evil deeds did not bring joy, give feelings of triumph and battles won over the innocent...

If-only they saw their cruelty and felt...anything, something...

They are stuck in a cycle of their own choosing dear friends...and will never change, barring a miracle on the scale of parting the Red Sea....

It is up to us to do the work in a place of safety, free from fear of frightful repercussions for stating your needs, for confronting wrongs...

May your feet find a way free...may you find a path of love, of grace, of mercy...

May God richly bless you with courage, with perception of truth and the grace to accept that which you cannot change...

Go with God today and each day forward and know your worth dear treasures...know it, accept it, move in it...it is for YOU, always...