Sword Fight...

'David brought a rock to a sword fight...' some days I am swamped with emotions of being that small-ish boy who went out to fight the undefeated giant...the King of that time was Massimo Serato(Abner) and feared David, his position, his kindness, his wisdom, and so set out to see him destroyed by the one opponent sure to crush him beneath his boot.

When all seems lost...when the opponent seems insurmountable and as large as a mountain and just as hard...God steps in.

I'm not completely sure why I am surprised by the chaos of emotions, the insuperable fears, the lingering laments...every minute of every day the healing continues, rises to the surface to be scrutinized, to be sifted and scanned. Good moments do not mean that the healing has been completed...most unfortunate.

Within a safe space yesterday, I confessed that my life was about to become quite busy and this stuff...this leftover garbage...this dross...needs to go. One and done.....sayonara...arrivederci...

Its comical this morning...worth a chuckle over my naïveté regarding my own heart...

Healing is a journey.... this is what the learned peoples speak of, through years of experience dealing with the hurting, the broken, the lost.

There is no point A to point B....and congratulations, you have arrived at your healing goalpost.

No... it is a meandering, winding, climbing, falling path. Fraught with tears and frustration...fraught with punishing pain and crushing despair....

Kindnesses and compassion....unadulterated acceptance and love....this...THIS is the key.

From ourselves to ourselves...from friends...from family...and surprisingly from strangers...

There is no right way to healing, no right way finding your personal path back to life, liberty and love.

Your path will not follow mine....and mine will look nothing like yours....except where love and patience are concerned. Be patient with yourself dear friends...be patient.

In all my years on this planet I have never leaked tears...cried out...as I have these past weeks. It has been a progression and as time makes its merry way through the universe I cry more; as I allow the memories to surface, as I allow my pain and my part to create shadows in my mind...only then will the clouds open...only then will the winds of change blow through and take with it the fog, the chaos, the anguish...allowing the bright light of day back in.

I begin to grasp the enormity of the task and while I quake and tremble, I take that step into the here, into the now that will release me from my past and from the ties that bind.

With this understanding comes compassion for the journey that many are on and may never step off of...diluted with drugs, with alcohol, with whatever vice taken up to dull the pain, to dull the torture within the mind.

I would ask for the tortured, the lost souls living in agony every minute of everyday...kindness and compassion. We do not always know their story but they have one...and it is theirs to hold and hopefully through love and compassion, one day release.

There is a way...it hurts...it is painful....like picking off that scab...poking and prodding that break, that sprain, that gash, that laceration....growing pains hurt, they ache...

'Here there be dragons' to slay...but on the other side lies freedom and everything we have ever wanted...love of a magical kind...kindness abounding...joy in the morning....

Freedom....free from fear and loathing...free from lies...free from constant sorrow....

And as we grow and learn to deal with the pains of this life, each sorrow, each sadness is accepted and released as it comes...not hoarded and encased within....

Accepted...Felt...acknowledged....and released.

God keep you this day and everyday forward...May He make a way for you, to find that peace...that hope of a life free of fear...it is there awaiting your steps...

I am proud of you today...for standing tall, for walking proud....

Look...just look at how FAR you've come! Stay the course dear hearts, you have grown so much...gained such ground! Good things await you...the best of a life full of promise and possibility.

Nothing is impossible with God...nothing. Now walk it out, speak your truth and take that step, no matter how small....you are capable, able and wise.