Tall And Strong...

Let them grow tall and strong, mighty in spirit and in form...let them come to decompress, to grow strong, to learn, to live and most importantly to receive the love of a grama...

I saw it this morning in a dreamscape...a tall young man borne of Axel moseying his way down to the dock where I stood watching the sun make its way down and around...colors exploded across the sky in streaks of marvellous beauty, dogs and owner both stood in awe..

And so it was this young man surprised his grama in the moment and then stood with arm around her shoulder and just took it in.

So much more to this dream...grandbabies, chldren, forever friends and complete strangers coming to sup at the table and find refuge...

I woke this morning and before I even opened my eyes I knew I was going to be tiptoeing and breathing out clouds of cool air before the stove could beat back the chill. I allowed the stove to burn down to ash during the night and woke to a decided chill in my cozy home.

Amid puppy love and pets I hurriedly and expertly (been doing this a long time, practice most definitely makes perfect) coaxed the fire back to life while the kettle sat on the stove ready to whistle an alert.

Life is good my friends...no that doesn't mean its perfect...I have not arrived yet, but oh I am well on my way and my heart continues to look to the lost, the broken, the wayward daughters and sons who sit in the filth of evil and all its many facets.

I SEE how good it can be...away, out, gone...imagine horse and rider galloping off into the sunset...thats me, hat overhead whooping and a'hollerin' as my big brother Kelly would say...

Free...free at last dear hearts....oh it hurts, like ripping off a bandage, or picking at a scab...you take fresh wounds with you when you depart, deep and seemingly irreparable...

The good news is they do repair, they do heal and sport new scar tissue, strong as nails and just as durable.

This morning as I sit with my hot cup of heaven I come to the astonishing conclusion that I no longer look to anyone...anyone...to give back-up, approval on difficult conversations with others...it is well known among survivors that we constantly question our motives, our words, our actions, worrying...gnawing over an encounter with this person or that phone call where we stood, gasp, and spoke our truth...it is NOT a people pleasing maneuver, this is a incredibly popular misconception among the masses.

Offensive some days...however, as I can not speak for ALL survivors, victims, lost ones out there living, breathing, moving despite the monkeys and apes on their backs...but I believe it safe to say ninety nine percent of us do not go through life looking to please people to keep peace, to protect harmony at all costs.

Dear friends...we agonize over treating ANYONE like we have been treated...we fret and fuss over a word, a look, a laugh at the wrong moment...our own and others...here I laugh out loud as it is never simple is it my friends?

One day...one day dear lost ones, dear survivors...one day you will wake and feel no fear, will feel anxiety no more...no, I am not there yet...truthfully and openly still dealing with anxiety, still wrestling with fear...the difference is I now do it in a place of safety, in a place of healing, of love and compassion, understanding and grace. And oh...I weep with gratitude, I dance with joy in thankfulness for the place I now sit in.

And it is less...less fear, more grit and determination...

Less anxiety, more hope and excitement for the future...

Love...a type of love that comforts as it saves...a type of love that enfolds as it saves, giving comfort, giving peace and grace to just be...

This is what I speak on today dear lost ones....there is life outside the prison walls that hold you in place with fear and loathing.

There is love everlasting outside the hell you live in each day...what is holding you back dear hearts? Fear? Overwhelming Fear? This...this is what I speak to today...there is life on the other side of that debilitating fear, truly. And if you fear the one you love...this is your sign, your glaring gargantuan red flag that you are not where you should be and most definitely NOT being treated as the queen you truly are.

I would like to put something into perspective here....call it an epiphany, a revelation of astronomical size for some...the villain, the monster, the abuser, the one responsible for the pit you currently reside in, or climbed from to save a life...that man (or woman, I've heard some pretty nasty stories though they are rare) who is the author and finisher of your fear?

They live, breathe, eat in fear...fear of abandonment, fear of neglect, fear of betrayal and the resulting pain, fear of lies and cheating behaviours taking them out at the knees, fear of money and financial destitution, fear of intimacy and vulnerability...

They...fear...everything... all the damage they do is done out of a place of absolute fear...

Cowards each one...too harsh my friends? Not harsh enough...

They are pale shadows living a lie...

They are shades of grey and brown until they meet new supply...they leech color, emotion, in a desperate attempt to FEEL something...empty husks siphoning sustenance from the woman of any man's dreams.

Cowardly lions who never find their courage...who never face their fears, their falsehoods created to save numero uno....

Cowards....who place the blame, the shame, the responsibility for all wrongs in the relationship on the victim.

Cowards...who beat, who strike, who push down, who torment in secret...behind the closed doors of a home that should be safe...

These cowards dare not do their evil deeds in public...most certainly in these upper Northern towns, villages, hamlets and boroughs...men, and many women would step forward...no, can't have people SEEING the pain they inflict, it would ruin their reputation.

Ah my friends....as I write and hopefully as you read, you hear my heart...

I would speak truth here always...it is pain, for you....it is growth, for you...it is healing, for you...and it is not easy. The fickle heart remains....it remains.