Temptation...

Every day is a test of will...a stretching of the mind...a placing of thoughts and wants and needs into their proper areas...I remind myself daily, minute by minute...to mute what does not serve me, to quash that which only serves to harm, hinder, hamper the healing process.

I look back only to remind myself why I left...why I ran...the hurt, the betrayals, the trauma...

The temptation is to look further...to remember the moments of sobriety, as I called them. Those times of clarity and supposed inner reflection from the person I loved.

The temptation is to superimpose a veil of kindness, a fantasy story of love and acceptance...moments only, but there....

The reality I bring to the surface is this dear hearts...it is all a lie...the truth is they took your light, your love, your kindness and compassion, your forgiveness and grace...and mimicked it as best they could for as long as they could...until it no longer served their purpose and/or became too hard to continue to hide the true id, the real self hidden under the smiles...

My encouragement today to you would be this...write it down...write down every detail of grief and sorrow...one sentence at a time and go back to it when you feel tempted to outlay feelings that were not truly a part of their makeup.

You are worth more than going back into the pit...all around is an oasis, a garden of eden created to draw you back in...all the right words that soothe the soul, soothe the hurting heart within. You know, deep down...you know that it is a lie but you wish so very badly for it be to be truth. Dear hearts...Go today in God's grace and strength and fight for you...fight for your healing, for your growth, for a love within that holds a hand up to all comers and says 'no.' No to disrespect, no to betrayals, no to the lies...

God bless your day with grace, with hope for the future...stand tall my friends and walk proudly into the day speaking your truth and loving those around you.