The Addiction...

You crave the love of the person who hurt you...it seems the only thing that will heal the brokenness, soothe the aches and the bruises...but...the scars don't lie. This is so heartbreakingly real...I replay the pain, I replay the abuses, the betrayals, all in order to remember why I ran in the first place. But oh, the need. It is a living thing.

'It's debatable whether a trauma bond or heroin addiction is more potent and more addictive. When you actually look at the parallels between the two, you start to see that there are a lot of similarities. One is the fact that whenever you start to pull away from that person, you start to miss them in an unhealthy way.'

All the while...the narcissist, the abuser, the sociopath feels no such thing. Feels no such loss and sadness. They have moved on to the next source of supply, in fact in most instances they have had someone in the wings. Someone they have been grooming to step into position. Pawns in the game...and just as disposable.

Do not think for a moment, however, that what the survivor feels is not real, or solely based on Trauma Bonding. Another term that gets bandied about, overused and misunderstood. The love the victim/survivor feels is as real as death and taxes...it may have been molded, manipulated and manufactured by the abuser but dear friends, I can tell you after much self-reflection and soul searching that if there had been no love at all I would have left the man in question far far behind...left him in the dust, disgusted and determined to expel him from my world.

I have years of experience with manipulators, mind-game players, machiavellian wannabe's....with no love it was a matter of stepping out and away and making my way gone.

Love exists...or else what manipulation would work? The monster must have heartstrings involved to play with, to orchestrate his great domination. No strings...no domination, no control.

His great domination of a heart made for love...

His great domination of a mind open to love...

His great domination of a woman he deems worthy for the moment...

Cowardly....

Lily-livered...

Craven...Chicken-hearted, spiritless bastards.

Preying on women...online and in person....we see you, all of you seeking to destroy...seeking to suck the very life from the one you lie to.

How does this make you feel? Mighty and strong? A giant amongst men?

The first time you pushed me down from behind....I can still see the look of triumph on your face...the power you held over someone not faint of heart, not unable to fight....although you believed it so.

No...you triumphed over someone who knows how to fight, but chose to harm none...who chose every moment to defend instead of cause pain...why? Because we understand how it feels...

Not only in fear of the repercussions and explosive retaliation that comes from daring to fight back...no, not only.

This was all scoffed at of course. that time when 'wrestling' I lightly hit you in two key points designed to stop an attacker permanently....you contemptuously told me I didn't know what I was doing, it was an accidental good shot. You quickly covered your dismay and surprise...and I could see the self-delusion do its work in moments...mere moments it took to convince yourself I was still the weaker sex, the victim you needed me to be for your punching bag moments.

I speak of this need to dominate, dear friends, to remind you that the man/woman you're with requires sustenance of a different kind, a special kind.

Madness....chaos...this is where the monster thrives.....walking amidst the battlefield, the General treads with smugness... with f*cking glee...

For those still in the pit....watch the eyes...they never lie. In those horrific times of abuse you will see the true face of the man/woman you love and it is frightening...but I urge you to see, I urge you to grasp the true gravity of the circumstances you reside in. It is your path out....

Believe in this truth and it will set you free....as hard as it is to fully grasp, like an 8 second ride on a bucking bull, it will strive to unseat you...it will take both hands to hang on to. I urge you to hang on to this devastating truth....

They will never change....They have only your destruction in mind....they wish only to fulfill their own needs, wants and pleasures.

Stay strong my friends...oh the heartache of knowledge can consume, the sorrow of seeing into the heart and mind and foulest of spirits can cause despair....

But...it is the key to your survival...it is the key to your freedom....Hard truth = peace.

Step up to that General, figuratively, and speak to the evil that resides within and say...'NO MORE.'

oh I pray that you find your way to this resolution....

speak softly and carry a big stick...Walk tall and walk proud warriors.

May God bless you this day with the ability to not only discern, but give you grace in abundance to bear the burden of truth. For burden it is...however, be sure that in the end, the truth will set you free.