The Heart Knows...

Heartache...comes in all shapes and sizes, all variable colours and hues...from the left, from the right...behind and before me...to love is to hurt. This is what the person in your life fears above all else, and begins to create a impossible situation for you to live in and around, and then blames you for hurting them...leaving them...

The family that sits in judgement and searches deep for fault to be disgusted by...

Love given, Love forsaken....trampled...over, and over, and over again...this is not love dear lost ones, dear survivors....love does not berate, malign, verbally assault....

Love lifts....

That's it...end of a singularly simple story....If love smothers, pushes you down to the toilet bowl of the soul....that pit of despair stretching endlessly into the horizon, a never ending saga of chaos, betrayal, gas-lighting, sorrow and self-hatred, that you are told is your own insecurities and nothing to do with them laying the groundwork, the luge plummeting down at high speed to the vast bottomless bottom....and still you give.

Love lifts...

'He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand...' Psalm 40:2

I encourage each of you to stand for yourself...stand for the broken and hurting woman inside you...begging you to fight back, silently...carefully...to stand and regain the self-respect that has been stolen from you.

It was a strange weekend for me....I had time with family that is always a sure balm to the soul, lightening the world round me...it was especially needed as just prior to spending time with my children, I ran into a family member of the person I called mine (but never truly his), an angry family member....I am ashamed of my response, as I froze completely, one hand on my chest, as if I could hold in the heart that was off to the races...I was reduced to one word answers for a long few minutes, to such a degree that I was asked if I remembered who he was...another one word answer...'yes...yes...'

Such anger in that family....always anger....it was a short riveting conversation, very one-sided...and I was left emotionally spent all within the space of a 5 minute conversation.

As I walked away, I felt lopsided...off-kilter...gulping air like a fish silently, with no change in outward expression.

Dear hearts....here is the reason you leave....the healing journey is, beyond a doubt, the single hardest thing I have ever attempted. The mending process, the stitching up of the tears in the fabric of your mind, the covering over of holes in the heart, the slowly rising spirit.....all fragile and difficult....

Do not stay to fix someone who has the key to your destruction.

Take that power back and stand for you...it is worth every minute...worth every tear that falls....you are worth that fight, always and forever. You are worth the best, the truest, the most courageous of loves....

Take it back dear friends....speak softly, stand tall and carry a big stick...and watch your confidence build, brick by brick. God keep you safe on this journey and give you the strength and the tenacity to achieve your dreams, to see your life re-build before your very eyes. God bless you this day and every day forward...