The Thing...

The thing is...we know more...we have knowledge, experience and the words spoken, then written in the passages of the bible, history written in tomes as dusty as desert wind.

Maybe He sees us for who we truly are...and then rejects us...finds the lies spoken over us to all be true...this fear permeates and while it grows faint in the light of love, like any evil thing it hides out in dark places, cracks and crevices of still healing wounds, rearing its ugly head at the worst and best moments...

Crazy Ass Bitch...ok that's it...the sum of the backlash of the smear & tar campaign still raging to the West. Along with; old, ugly, fat....useless...to name a few...in my heart as I read words of faith, of trust, of hope in a God who never leaves nor forsakes, I hear these whispers of deceit...often.

Faith to move mountains for others...for those God sees and loves and knows to be good, to be faithful, knows those who have trust in His works, His processes, His ways....

I sit in my small corner of this planet in this universe and wonder at the works of His hands...the entirety of the Universe and all we still do not know, but know there is much we do not, to explore, to find....and I arrogantly question my place in it, my worth...forgetting momentarily that the words spoken throughout the ages are meant for every soul, even those we feel truly do not deserve it for the evil they commit...it is a gift for all, we have only to choose.

Somehow in the midst of all that I lose my footing...I slip on the slippery slope of solitude and suffering, of growth and forward motion...I slip back into the grand groove of conditioning, of words spoken so often, with such fervour they find ground with which to grow, to sprout poisonous shoots of brown and grey and black...dismal and destructive they wait silently to pounce in low moments.

The wind blows strongly this morning as I sit and sip my hot cup of heaven...it suits my mood...lonely and yet enjoying the solitude...at peace in a home built on the firm foundation of love, of kindness, of compassion...

I go each day with freedom and rejoicing in knowing I can and do speak my truth...kindly, with grace and dignity and at times, with an inordinate amount of passion.

But, my god, that first moment...one eye squinted, head slightly turned and slightly tilted, words spoken in a sing song apologetic questioning tone...once out, the words are floating free and clear on the air and you watch in fascination as they take flight beautifully upon heart and mind, soul and spirit...building confidence, equanimity, boldness and oh, the lifting of weight bowing your back as you walk through each day. The lightness of spirit...of KNOWING you are able to speak and no matter what the outcome, you will be be better than fine...you will be flying in place, dancing a jig within...lighter than air, free...free to be me, free to be you and all that entails.

It may seem like a small victory for those who speak their truth daily, in the moment...but for someone who has pushed down, tamped down, shoved away pieces of themselves for years in the hopes of creating peace, it is a climb to the top of Mt. Everest...and oh it works, yes...for whoever is on the other end of that discussion, that separation of ideas and thought, that argument, that confrontation...peace is kept, only later in the quietness of our own home, our own mind do we see the damage down by continually biting our tongues, choosing others peace before our own.

It damages...it lowers confidence, pulverizes free choice...

Taking a stand...oh how dramatic and yet that is it exactly, at first.

At first it is all about defending fledgling ideas and thoughts...

At first it is all about finding your voice, weak though it may be...hoarse from misuse...shaky from lack of muscle strength...and then, oh and then my dear treasures, the knees firm up, the legs gain strength, the voice gains muscle and passionate discourse...

I speak less...yet I say more....

Let your yes be yes, your no be no and speak with wisdom and understanding, but oh dears...speak! It is vital to growth, to healing, to believing in you, to loving you fully...

No matter the voices that rear their ugly heads at times and speak on things past...no matter...they grow faint with distance and time, they lack power with knowledge and observation from afar, the ugly nature of the beast is revealed in all its horror and perversion.

Slowly...oh so slowly they begin to stand to one side, fading with every successive choice to renew, to grow, to heal, to really truly LIVE...

That man...or woman....oh the ugliness of their countenance as the evil is revealed moment by moment, day by day...it shines through and discolours the outward shell...

...weak, cowardly, dirty rotten scoundrels...every damn one. That is all....

While you...my dear friends, you shine with all that is good, all that is lovely...you shine with kindness and compassion, glory and goodness given at birth and accepted...kind, purposeful living...everything that attracted them to you, lives still, within you....

There is much to glean, much to learn and so very much to process and unpack...one moment at a time dear hearts, just one, and then on to the next and then the next, until one day you turn and dare to glance over your shoulder at the road behind, the one that gives you nightmares, goosebumps in the re-living...oh dear friends, I hope to impart the joy, the absolute breathtaking joy that furiously floods the soul, the heart and mind, as you see, slowly turning fully to gaze upon the glorious truth...you have come far, so much further than first thought, over that horribly cold mountain peak, through that deliriously low valley of bones, across the monster-laden oceans as of old...you see it all in a glance, in a glimpse, in a kaleidoscope of colours and sounds...the tears that flood your bed, your couch, your truck...the deep, soul and bone deep, sorrow that lances all energy from your body...and liberally interspersed in those heartrending moments are times of laughter, of joy, of giggles and hilarity...moments of revelation and life-altering epiphanies...

This...this is what you will see my friends...movement, growth, forward motion...even in those times you need to sit, to breathe through the worst of it, there is still movement, growth, forward damn motion...even then, even then dear lost ones. Walk now...talk now...speak now...fight now...fight for that inner child huddling in the dark and the damp, fight for that woman who is silently screaming for rescue, yelling as though from a far distance, echoing faintly but consistently...gesturing with arms of supplication and need at the horror you endure each and every day...that! Yes that! And that moment, and that one...oh and that one with the bloody broken nose and split bleeding lip...oh and that one, the one with hands round your throat... she was crying out with you for rescue, one day recognizing it was just her and God coming to the rescue...pulling herself up out of the mire, the muck, the shit...taking the hand outstretched in love, in forgiveness and compassion for the mess this life had become.

Yeah...those ones...you know of what I speak...

Walk it out, you can luv, yes, you....you have all the courage, all the fortitude living deep inside you where you huddle protectively around that spark...now go with God, live in His mercy and grace and walk it out. Waymaker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in The Darkness...always...