Things

I learned.... things, stuff, skills beyond and under all the rest...

From Ken... driving stick and driving well under extreme conditions...in that man there was no fear of the road, just challenges unseen and unknown waiting round the next corner. I learned about business, entrepreneurship and a direction for never ending curiosity.

From monster mash, small town smoke show....I learned more bush skills, forestry speaking...I learned Portuguese, true redneck phrases and astonishing English mutations.

I learned powersaw work, and how to put things together...I learned secondhand mechanics and I learned about true unstoppable rage.

I forgot what I knew about communication and interpersonal skills and started from scratch...

I forgot what I knew about fighting and dodging a hit and began anew...

I learned I had no way to reach the boy behind the monster, the lost and twisted man behind the contorted, spewing beast presented before me.

I learned true failure...I learned to believe lies and refute truth as I had known it...

I began a downward spiral into the abyss and the darkness beckoned...

Dear hearts...most often we end up with highly intelligent creatures...in different ways but crafty, cunning, wily and duplicitous all together. Give them a map and a goal to beat back the enemy and they will gather information and begin the offensive with amazing ability, perception and execution. Harsh...brutal...but effective.

We learn skills we did not know as we would from anyone we allowed in our lives...there is nothing special about them that added to our experience and knowledge...it is picking up information and understanding from a source...In my job this summer I added to that knowledge a hundred fold from the Faller/Wildfire fighter/Forestry Tech I worked with.

Symbiotic and natural...we are sponges, if we are wise, and we absorb knowledge and incorporate it into our own lives. It is what we do one for the other as a species...we share knowledge, teaching, learning, growing, expanding as a people.

So...as I list various skills gleaned from these two gentlemen, (ok just one gentleman in that equation) it is not to say that the victim should be grateful or glad about something to be taken from that experience...I did that my friends, I went that route, desperate for something, anything to take in a positive light from my recent escape from hell. I slowly came to the profound realization that I did not need to seek so...no...I did not need to seek a 'lesson.' I did not have something I needed to learn...another of the popular myths and theories being, well, theorized upon.

It is abuse...it is brain washing...it is a predator targeting his prey and luring them in with lies, with false promises, with kindness and love. It is not a lesson, it is a tragedy of epic proportions. It is a killing of the soul, the spirit, the mind...slowly, over time...

We create new skills, we adapt, we survive...how to spot the psychopath, the sociopath, the stand alone narcissist, from a mile away and more, we begin to 'learn' how to remove them from our equation.

Oh...wagging my finger...I bet you thought I was going to say...'we learn how to deal with them.'

I will tell you this little gem of knowledge....there is no 'dealing' with a narcissist. It always ends the same if you are kind, compassionate, polite, and have any degree of class and honour. You lose...

You lose brain cells trying to untie a knot from the devil himself...

You lose sleep...

You lose a piece of yourself and a giant piece of peace...chaos reigns in their minds my friends. You can't fight chaos, you stand back and observe. You remove yourself and this person of such toxicity it boggles your brain. Simple right?

I speak to anyone who has been in the grips of an interpersonal toxic relationship through work, through church, through a group of some sort; sports and so on.

When you're stuck...or feel stuck...forced to 'deal' with the toxic fun sidekick.

A wise friend once told me...'you're never truly stuck.'

Stuck is us shoving ourselves to one side, or under in order to do the job, to do the sport and thinking it is required, that we are expected to 'deal.'

No...just no. This is the standing and speaking truth part of our lives.

With each successive stand, with each moment of advocating for you...the power rises, the sense of self elevates, the pride and confidence spread wings and fly...

So many lost ones feel stuck...emptied of all thought for themselves, stuck.

Stand dear treasures and take your ground back...find your teeny tiny spark hiding deep within and fan the flames until consumed with freedom, with truth, with purity of hope and faith.

You are worthy of so much more than where you are right this minute. Worthy...deserving...

There is hope dear friends....there is peace....there is LIFE with all its complexities and wonders just waiting for your steps...take up your courage and stand tall, walk proud. You are a child of the Most High...loved, and beautifully and wonderfully created to walk in joy, in laughter, in hope.

Go today and each day forward with knowledge unstained, untainted...knowledge of worth, of the love of a Father who never leaves, nor forsakes.

See the lies for what they are my friends...poison...evil and not meant for you.

Worthy...always.