Things more Important...

...than stressing about the words of another, the trashy behaviours, the mean-spirited name calling...the threats to life and limb...

Things like, oh I don't know...washing my hair, picking up sticks, throwing out the trash (pun intended), folding laundry...

Things like standing miles apart in heart, in spirit, in character and honour...

Things like taking fear and smashing it in the face, giving it the ole one two punch to the throat and rising stronger, freer, cleaner...ah the filth of fear, the self-loathing for feeling afraid of someone who over days, weeks, months spends time reinforcing that fear until it looms like an angry cloud overhead at all times.

I took a moment to chuckle, then to laugh this weekend as I nursed a head cold/chest infection...reading words that not so long ago would have set me back; had me looking out windows, watching the grocery store parking lots, and scanning isles for that demon in human skin. Once again a harsh word for a harsh fella...filthy, dirty, dastardly demon breathing verbal bullets in frenetic energy...

Dear treasures, that light we find? The wonders of love, hope, faith and peace steer us clear of those bullets, we stand to one side and see them bounce off harmlessly, falling to the ground to disappear in a hiss of ash and smoke.

This time...this time I pushed through dread and a refusal to see anything, read any of the drivel, trash and shite falling from their fingertips, straight out of a heart filled with rage, with hate for anything that represents life, light and love. Raging against the system for placing him within strictures due to HIS actions, his behaviour, his wrong doing.

I read...and read again...looking at the real man once again showing his true colours...given the opportunity this devil in disguise will trod upon the unwary, the source of their abuse at this moment...opportunity will be handed to them in the form of their own brain finding fuel for the fire, for reasons, for excuses to hit, to maim, to torture and demean.

I pray for my enemies, though they be few, but for this special piece of flotsam, tripe, garbage, I reserve the best of the best. I pray for the newest victim, I pray for revelation and strength of will...I pray for his hand to be stayed, to be held, to lose all strength when performing in his routine act of great madness and chaos.

These past few days have been full to the brim with self-reflection, with self-care and with a heart of such gratitude and thankfulness for living a life away...a life of peace...a life of love and joy unceasing...

I washed away the poison, the sickly coating of anger, of hate and revenge for the monstrous acts committed that landed him in trouble, that somehow land upon the shoulders of the survivor...you see how twisted, how far from reality they live my friends?

May a wave of gigantic proportions knock him from his feet and into the lap of a God who works miracles...

And that is where our responsibility ends...dropped at the door when we run, when we flee to save sanity...to save our physical bodies...

Accountability...responsibility...we are not the Titan, Atlas...set to carry the weight of the heavens...the weight of the world does not belong to you, the weight of the one you love does not belong to you...it lies, as it does with each one of us, within that person.

You cannot win a war already set up to fail...it is a hard truth my friends...a gut-wrenching truth that at no point does the Narcissist, the abuser, the monster in your particular story have any long term plans, any commitment, any loyalty...just lies, betrayals, usury, torment of the mind and a need to feel all powerful at all times. When that is used up, in his/her mind, they will discard, devalue, degrade until you are pushed to the limits of your sanity and when you run...they blame you for leaving them, for giving up on a toxic, abusive relationship.

To the average human mind, none of that makes sense...none of it...

May you go through your day today, in the pit or surviving outside of it, seeing your worth...I would pray that the scales drop from your eyes so that you may see who you truly are, who you're truly meant to be...

...loved and protected, not hated and abused...

...kindness and respect, not mean-spirited derision and disrespect...

Compassion...grace...mercy...loving kindnesses...this is our promise...in order to see that promise come to fruition, to the light of day we must first take ourselves out, we must first escape our situation.

Oh dear treasures...the light that pours in is no longer muted under that umbrella of grief, of daily sorrow and pain...the love that trickles in past evil deeds while in the midst, pours in like a mighty river when free....free from fear, free from hate...

Walk proud my friends...walk tall and strong and be of good courage, there is one who sees you where you are and loves with a mighty Love, with no judgement only mercy...

Speak your truth, with grace and dignity, but stand...speak...and see the weight disappear, see healing done, see grief and sorrow slowly lighten like the dawn sky in the middle of winter. It may be slow to appear, but when it does it lights the sky with brilliance, with colours beyond wonder.

Worthy....each one...worthy of warmth, of love, of compassion and beauty.