Tired...

Some days...I wish for physical, tangible proof and rail against time, against apathy, against laziness...I wish for those who would fight, for me, for us...every survivor who struggles to find their worth each and every day after being systematically broken down to nothing, erased, invisible...how I long for visibility, for cohesion, for justice. I don't think it is too much to say I speak for every survivor, for every lost one thinking of escaping; of going to the poice with charges, trusting their cases to those who seemingly no longer care for justice, for being tasked with safety of women and children in this country...at the very least in Northern British Columbia.

Oh...my friends, today I am tired.

Today...I cry out to God and ask...where? Where is the justice, not only for damage and torture being done throughout the relationship...no, if only it were that easy.

Its the aftermath...the stalking, the cruelty, the defamation of character, the poisonous threats veiled behind postings the police say is not enough to exact justice...the messages sent once again threatening harm to yourself and your co-workers.

Today...today I seek answers...

You see my friends...when the system spits you out and states it is too much work to truly prosecute the perpetrator, you are once again flooded with all the words screamed, yelled, slapped upside the face of how useless you are...how unimportant...how small and insignificant...cementing and chaining the tormented soul to the past.

We walk, run, stumble, fall, get back up again in an attempt to put space and time between ourselves and the former life. Each one doing their best in horrific conditions...family stating to 'just move on,' friends wondering why you are not healed and moving on with your life.

I would beseech you to think on what that life looks like for each one emerging from the pit.

Yo-yo'd in the system...puppet strings pulled and yanked and moved in the background by the monster, laughing all the while, knowing exactly what he can get away with.

God...I am so tired of the fight, the path to all appearances a steady uphill climb...sheer rock face, crumbling shale pulling you ten, twenty steps back while you claw for purchase.

Every every day...every minute an internal scrimmage worthy of battle grounds covered in blood and body parts.

Tired...of subterfuge...give me authenticity any day....give me real....

Tired of two-faced mother truckers out to play with emotion, with heart and soul.

Tired of monsters walking among us. New statistics show (and they are erring on the smaller side of the scale) that one in every ten men are abusers.

ONE in every ten homes there rages a one-sided battle..fear and abuse reigning paramount.

Let that sink in for a moment....

Change needs to come and how will that change happen? Only by active interactions, only by the RCMP doing their jobs to the best of their ability, only by Crown Counsel working towards the harshest sentences. Only then...and that is the tip of the iceberg.

Tired of people turning a blind eye...tired of these numbers being casually dismissed in judgement of the WOMEN in those horrific situations. Their fault. F*ck that noise.

Its time my friends to take a stand. Tired or not, a stand will be made and God knows if I will survive it.

Sound dramatic? 70%...SEVENTY PERCENT of all survivors that leave a violent domestic home DIE at the hands of their former partners. Seventy Percent...

I live in fear each and every day...I recently found out through his poisonous posts that he has found out where I live...someone in this neat little town is a town crier, a town snitch.

Do you still believe it is the woman's fault? The victim's fault for getting 'herself' in that position?

They are called predators for a reason...they prey on the strong, on the confident...eager to break down those rock solid boundaries until they are dust to dust, ashes to ashes and a new creature emerges grey and pale and lost.

It's time dear treasures for women and men to take a stand in this country. However that looks for you...

I am tired...but the fight is not gone...the determination is stronger, more robust....more.