Truly...

....I do not know....what I do know proves what I do not...constantly seeking knowledge...diligently running after wisdom....my heart yearns for what I know not...

Driving home in the early darkness last evening I spoke with God...I spoke of my heart, my spirit, my mind...I spoke of His goodness and mercy...His grace in all circumstances...

The afternoon and evening spent in moving...in greeting young men I hadn't seen since in high school with my son Leo, there to help...time spent with children and grandchildren...the stress and enormity of much more than just a physical move.

As I drove to and from his old home to my daughters I laughed...I cried....I asked for mercy, for peace, for comfort...

Life as we know it...comfortable...fitting like an old shoe...can change on a dime, dumping us off the platform of familiarity into the new, the different, the unexpected and grievous...

I am full to the brim...overflowing....with emotion, with feeling...following closely on the heels of sorrow and sadness is love...love saves us my friends...it is a bulwark against the worst this world can offer. God blessed us with the capability and capacity to love, and to love deeply, fully...love expands and branches to wisdom...to forgiveness...to grace...to kindness...to compassion and oh, what a two edged sword it is.

Love lifts...lifts us from the doldrums, from the ashes... but love, it can drag us down to the depths, to grief and heartache. It cuts deep, runs under the surface of every thought, every breath until it feels we may drown beneath the waves, beneath the onslaught of emotion.

I have come to see my heart as a vessel...a large one...able to hold vast amounts of pain and grief...but oh the love that runs through, in, under, and around all that we do. If we live with love, if we love as we live...we cannot help but grow that finicky organ until it surrounds and enfolds each one we come in contact with...momentary or forever....the stranger in need of a smile and kind word...the conversation and encouragement of a young woman leading a group of 50 alpha males and females...the son reeling from the recent loss of his father and everything familiar in his world...the daughter working to gather in all her chicks, loving and opening her home in order to comfort and enfold...the son carrying the weight of all his anger and grief...the last son finding his way through work, through business struggling to find his way in a world no longer set in stone.

Love...saves.... compassion supports....kindness and grace walks alongside...

Dear hearts...our grief is a living breathing entity and demands our attention...stuff it in a closet and watch it grow, see it expand until it blocks the light...

We push it away...sweep it under the carpet until a better time comes along to lift the edge and speak to it...it finds a way my friends....either it chooses the time or we do...rather the drive home to invite it out to talk than in the middle of a busy venue when something sparks life, breathes energy into grief until it blocks all else out.

Gently, dear treasures....go gently into that good night and speak softly...it is you, a part of you...asking for time, for moments to surface and dissipate in love and comfort.

Take the time to heal...to kindly and compassionately unpack the hurt...the betrayals...the grief...revisit as many times as necessary...there is no right way, no wrong way to unpack....for each one differs from the next...

Go today and each day forward in love...in kindness...in compassion...for time is short, life is short...every day is a gift of life, let us live it fully...embrace each day as life fills our bones, our spirits, our hearts...

God bless you today and each day with comfort, with grace...with courage, with strength.

Walk tall warriors, stand proud and speak your truth....