Umbrella

I have been temporarily living in fear...fear of punishment from a Father who loves, who gives mercy as deep as the ocean, who grants grace as high as a mountain...unfailing love...unfailing friendship...how monumental, how magnificent to imagine for a moment, for a lifetime, that He...the creator of the universe, worlds upon worlds, loves me and thinks of me as friend.

The Holy Spirit who runs alongside, who listens intently...who shares space with us, in us, around us...who knows our every thought and every dream, every hope and every quickening of heart and spirit within.

I had been living under an umbrella; thinking myself sheltered from the worst of the storm by constructed beliefs not my own, by destructive and angry imaginings from time past, thinking myself free and safe.

Cycling above, spraying droplets of acid rain amid scorching bullets of intrusive thoughts, covered by...overwhelmed by...deceived by the puppeteer, by a master manipulator.

Dear friends...those machiavellian twists and turns orchestrated by the abuser in your life are meant for death...death of self, death of hope, death of dreams and goals...

Each word spoken over you in rage, in cruelty, in cold disdain and contempt, is meant to lay root within your minds until it is ALL you know. Until, though free, you hear and feel and know the lies that lay melded within heart and soul...

Survivors battle not daily, oh no...survivors battle minute by minute, hour by hour until one shiny day they see, they know deep within that the poison so hatefully planted has been pulled up and out by the root, discarded to the ground to be scorched by love, by grace, by mercy, by compassion.

I have said it before...healing, growing, mending every broken part, is not for the faint of heart. It takes determination...it takes will, fortitude and gumption.

It does not happen every day...some days are for sitting in it, letting it gather at the corners of your eyes until the sun is awash in rain.

And that's ok, for those days wash clean all the dirt and grime clinging gamely to every dark corner and hidden trap door. Those days are necessary to reach touch and go spaces...

And that isn't all, as if that's not enough; survivors live with such a large number of exposed triggers it would make a piercing-crazed nymph proud. It is a minefield of epic proportions, each one hidden under cover until stepped on, nudged, knocked, or spring loaded into being, blowing wide the fight-flight-freeze-fawn-freak-out responses. Each one doing hand stands in your brain as you do your best to avoid harming anyone in close proximity with the speed of your exit.

Dear treasures...these do not come with a get-out-of-jail-free card...they do not come with a schedule or sunny weather permitting...they come when they want, how they want and where they want. We prepare for them by doing the work, by self-reflecting until your insides are as well known as your outsides...we prepare and hope it is enough to stem the tide, the tsunami that threatens your balance in this world.

This my friends is what survivors are left with. Before you judge that it could never happen to you, think again. The victim list is long and filled with overachievers, career women (and men), confidant adventurers and compassionately filled people with boundaries as high as the sky. It can happen to ANYONE and does.

We do not stand above...

We do not stand in judgement...

We stand in understanding of the evil, manipulative works of abuse or we step aside to allow those with wisdom, with bottomless wells of compassion to step in.

Be patient, be understanding, and most of all learn what NOT to say.

They walk among you, hiding behind smiles and laughter....the lost and broken.

They walk among you, hiding behind charm and wit...the monsters in clever sheep's clothing.

Be wise, be vigilant...be open to knowledge and seeing people for who they truly are and what is needed and necessary in the moment. One kind word could, and often does, open pathways of freedom for the lost....shines a light beaming into darkness to illuminate what is right, and more, to spotlight what is not.

Go with God today and each day forward in grace, in compassion, in love...