Users and Abusers

Freedom can come with a price dear hearts. In order to attain freedom we must first fight to achieve it, then fight to keep it despite what we know to be true, despite the thievery that the monster believes is his due. Technically I suppose it is not thievery at all.... not to the monster. In their mind they have formed the idea(s) that WE have done them wrong and so they reason out the stealing of some of your hard earned items; power saw, woodworking tools, something as trivial as packing up their old and cheap duvet whilst keeping your expensive duvet, keeping your beautiful sheets and pillows, your sets of dishes and on and on.

Instead of carrying out what they threatened (burning of your fir slab desk and other pieces you worked so hard on) they keep it all and continue to lie to themselves and to anyone who will stand still long enough and listen. This is the Shaming/blaming part of the sociopathic pathology.

Does it help to know this? Somewhat I suppose, for myself anyway. Or perhaps it is just my way of letting go of the monster and coming to the absolute deep down knowledge that I am better off alone and free.

I am alive, this is the bottom line. I escaped with my life and my heart and soul intact.

I thank God everyday for paving the way out, for making a way despite how uncomfortable it may have been.

Am I sad? I am numb.

Oh I cry at times but I cry for a dream that never ever existed.

Read that dear ones.... read it again and again until you to see that we were made to believe in a construct, a dream, a fantasy if you will that did not exist within that monster. It existed only to rein you in, then to keep you when you began to hit bottom.

They quickly manipulate the puppet strings to coax you into believing in them for a short time once more.

Know this.....It is the most precious of games to them, the sweetest of tastes for them to see you suffer and then easily manipulate you once more to believe in their lies.

How many times did it take for me to realize that the monster was truly a monster full of lies and betrayal and madness?

Many, many times.

oh, I would see it.... but I bought into the lie that they just struggled and I must forgive them and love them until they were able to love me properly.

Never, ever, ever, ever going to happen. NEVER.

If I can stress one important truth to you, it is this truth. That they will never change. And that is the killer, for within us we know but we refuse to give it too much credence for if we accept that knowing, it means that we were wrong and that we failed in our endeavour to help change the monster for the better.

It is a massive blow to the ego to acknowledge that nothing we did, no amount of love we gave was enough.

But dear hearts know this, we are not the first to try and we may not be the last.

It is not our failure, it is not that we were not enough, oh no.... we are enough and we are truly not failures.

It is the monster who encourages that type of thinking for it plays right into his hands.

No. It is the Narcissistic Psychopath/sociopath that has failed at being human, failed at self reflection, failed at love, and failed at life. Not you, them.

Stay strong dear ones and look deep within and see who you are and know that you are worthy and deserving of love, compassion and kindnesses.