Weight...

Grief settles...it molds to heart, to mind, to spirit and soul in weighty tomes and tones...

As many have said before and will continue to speak on, time does not necessarily heal all wounds, no...grief most especially does not heal, instead the mind and heart learn to carry the weight. Each one develops muscles necessary to moving and breathing through life as it carries on round them, in them, through them.

Many moments, many times have I stopped and just looked, observed, marvelled at those carrying on with tasks, with joyous occasions no matter the storm raging within.

I experienced something similar yesterday as I was invited to share a lunch with other members of the Wildfire organization. I listened to talk of retirements, travelling to foreign countries, hunting expeditions, latest wildfire news while gathering food on my plate I was not quite sure I even wanted.

I felt displaced....I felt separate though invited, though spoken to with kindness, with affection as I took my place at the large table. I sat alone with my thoughts, with feelings I hadn't taken the time to acknowledge, though surrounded. I sat and ate food that tasted like cardboard, spooning up salad, pulled pork in respect and childhood training of eating what has been given and placed before me.

I sat...my mind had shut down those memories, the anniversary date previously tagged on the calendar...I sat unaware of the 'why' to this moment of dislocation from staff I regularly enjoyed sharing time with. A foreigner in a familiar land...

Until this morning I had managed to push grief to a dusty corner...with a message sent from a grieving mother finding time to spend it with others, sharing and partaking in comfort while giving out same, I was pulled into the maelstrom that is grief and the accompanying emotions.

I speak this morning on the weight of grief, not for myself, not for pity nor compassion but for those who feel it most...for those who battle each and every day with loss; mothers and fathers of lost children, wives of lost husbands, children of lost fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, close friends. For us all finding a way through, a way up from the hole grief tosses us mercilessly into. May God surround each one in loving arms of comfort and peace...of knowledge of one day seeing their loved ones again, clinging to a promise of life eternal with those who go before.

I speak on understanding those who suffer, for extending kindnesses and grace to those who still walking life out one breath at a time.

May God walk with you, holding your hand as you stumble, as you fall to your knees from the weight of grief. God bless your heart with strength, with grace and mercy.