Where?

Where is the love...where is the acceptance, the compassion, the understanding?

In its place lies judgement...a movement of the bar, higher and higher still until impossible to attain...until one has beat themselves bloody against the wall of judgement and 'zero effort' acclamations despite being held at arms length.

Sounds familiar does it not my friends?

I sit in peace, in cozy wood stove comfort this morning, sipping the requisite cup of heaven, preparing for the day and holding loved ones up to God in prayer and supplication.

The truth has been a long and arduous climb...a scrambling for footing, for placement of hands, toes, and fingertips, for a 'place' amongst those you love more than life.

Truth based on fact...on experience...on understanding...on reading between the lines until finally one day you see you have become invisible, insignificantly stationed outside the circle; blocked, ignored, judged, blamed.

Forgiveness and grace have fallen beneath the wheels of progress, of the 'woke' generation.

Life has become a game of internet/social media learned poison and gratuitous, self-promoting angst.

Wisdom has been replaced by its bedraggled, unwashed cousins...foolishness and ignorance.

A cutting of ones family members to the quick...the woke generations and other generations picking it up with glee as it supports selfishness and self-involved perpetuation...

Step one...ignore...

Step two...politely put off any interaction until one day the calls are no longer answered nor returned...

Step three...take days or weeks to answer texts and messages left in hopes of spending time...

Step four...cut off completely the damaged arm or branch of the family...

Step five...blame any and all issues on the despised member...

What ensues is a 'working harder,' a denying self; a taking of damage and pain, sorrow and shame...

It sits upon the shoulders like a mantle...weighing down soul and spirit.

Until one day Truth whispers loud enough for the heart and mind to hear in tandem...

Until one day eyes can see, ears can hear and truth comes in like a flood...wisdom speaks and the spirit listens....

All these years later, I finally realize that I have become the annoyance, the resented duty, the judged behaviours and conduct after so many years of love...

We become the scapegoat...it is so much deeper than it appears my friends...

In reality it is the post you become, to whip when pain becomes too much to bear, when lies become rooted within...

Truthfully the ridding ones-self of a weight you no longer wish to carry, instead to bury.

Under every pre-conceived, conceied, contrived, fuel-for-the-fire wrongdoing.

Every mistake carefully recorded...the perfect synchronicity of push-pull without the benefit of forward motion, to relationships growing in respect and equal measure of the other.

No, instead, self-righteous proclamations of offence and an altruistic, elitist mindset.

All these years later, I have come to understand my place within that circle, or lack thereof.

It is wisdom and knowledge borne of experience, borne of trauma and abuse...and it has been slowly getting louder in my ear; speaking truth, hard truth.

And I have been undone...

Dear treasures, this is a life, one life. We must open up, be willing to truly see those around us as they are and showcasing for years what they really, truly think.

This is part of the healing process, and honestly? It freaking sucks...it bites, it takes blood and steals your very mind for a time.

I have been undone...as though death had taken them and left me adrift, purposeless and grieving with every breath.

We search for purpose, for answers...

Constantly seeking, searching for meaning in what we do, and who we are...and this aloneness is part of the damn process. It is intrinsic to not only your survival, your sanity...but also the dream of a future filled with peace, and those who KNOW you and love you, ridiculously.

Whether it is a family tie, a relationship with a partner, a child, a co-worker, your pastor...the list goes on and on...but whoever it is, or they are, you are worthy of love, of compassion, of forgiveness and acceptance. It doesn't mean we aren't human and like everyone else on this gosh darn planet make mistakes. And own up to them.

This is most certainly NOT a proclamation in hopes of attention and pity...God no...save the pity and reflect within...this IS a standing, a holding up of a mirror...before you judge, seek understanding...before you toss them out into the street, ask yourself what about them is speaking to a problem within, not without.

As always love saves...it saves.

Find your people...the ones who LOVE you as you are; wonderfully broken, beautifully created for just such a purpose as this.

Stand tall dear friends...hold your head high and keep those eyes on the horizon where the promises of a good future await you.