Works...

Once more I sit in front of a comforting fire and gaze out the window at the fog enshrouded fields, frost blanketing the ground....safe...sound...at peace....everyday I thank God for the works of His Hands in every aspect of my life, from the job I love to the second job where faces light up when I walk in the door...from the restoration of relationships long set in stubbornness, pride and ignorance, to the easy company of my children, grandchildren round the dinner table. The grace and comfort that resides within and without...to seeing and knowing the strength, the fortitude of my kids despite their devastating loss. To observe their drawing together in love, in comfort one to another. The chance to sit with my girl and talk as friends, as adults...to impart, imbue, convey strength, grace, forgiveness and love as a mother in the midst of that mix.

Oh joy does come and not only in the morning...it springs forth with each day I continue on the path of healing, of the leaving behind of toxicity, of abuses, of angst and chaos....peace filters in dear hearts, it trickles through the cracks until it seals the fissures from the inside out and remains to grow and grow and grow until one day you will wake no longer feeling the dread, the fear, the self-loathing...

Instead....love blankets the mind, heart and spirit....

Instead...peace floods the soul....

Instead of chaos....order....

Instead of discord....harmony...

Instead of a screaming, raging child living in the home, in your heart and mind, destroying the ground as they go, poisoning and infiltrating until everywhere you look is grey, is black and dying, no life to be found, only death...instead....PEACE....

Alone dear treasures is good....part of the lie they tell you, because it is absolute truth in their hearts, is that being alone is to be avoided at all costs, that alone is death and destruction....LIES....alone means peace, means growth, means freaking life....

You will find all that is lacking, within yourself....alone...

You will find all the joy and peace you have been searching for, inside you all along....

You are the author...He (she) only the author of that chapter....and as you read back to remind yourself of why you left, you may shudder in disgust, in dismay as you view from a distance what can only be termed as disastrous, as a tympani of clashing symbols...

(1 Corinthians 14:19) A loveless person would be like “a sounding piece of brass” —a noisy, annoying gong— or an unmelodious “clashing cymbal.”

Truth dear hearts...always lead with truth...I have read often that we cannot go forward with our lives until we stop looking back....there is truth in this, yes...from someone who never felt afraid, never endured abuse and torment....I had a full-on, one-sided conversation with a TikTok video on just this subject, very satisfying ha....I look back to see how far I've come, I look back to be sure I'm still on the right path, that I haven't veered off into bitterness or resentment, into hate, I look back to be sure I am not being followed...only to discover that I have been stalked, pictures taken without my knowledge....oh yes dear treasures I look back, I look to the left and the right, and then...then I set my face once more to the future, to what God has in store, to what miracles will be coming my way again...to promises kept....

Hear my heart today my friends...I am not promoting staying in the past, nor paranoia or fear...we must stride forward into the future, while finding that present minded mind-set...

I had a good friend once tell me that when she felt her resolve softening, or when she felt the old feelings rising, or worse when she would shift into self-blame...she looked back, allowed some of those old feelings to resurface...not to wallow, nor to stay stuck or slide backwards into mayhem...no, she looked back to prompt, to nudge into truth, into reality...

And so, on the important anniversary date of my exodus I drank a toast to commemorate, to celebrate the beginning of sanity returning, the peace and comfort that awaited me but most important I drank a toast to mark the day I chose me...I chose to protect the wounded child within, I chose to stand for the woman I was so close to losing, I chose life.

My prayer for you dear lost ones is that you too would make that choice...choose life, choose goodness, choose you. You are worthy of a bit more than what you endure each day wouldn't you say?

Worthy of a bit, a bunch, a tsunami's worth of love and compassion, of kindness and grace and more....worthy of the level of commitment and loyalty that you give, worthy of the level of LOVE you give...worthy of more than the scraps he throws from the table to keep you imprisoned, hoping for more...I am here today to tell you my friends, it never comes...never.

I learned that I could never trust the words that flowed from his lips...lawyers have nothing on the narcissistic abuser...I learned that trust would never be earned, never be reclaimed...only the knowledge that from one moment to the next I could never know what would happen.

Eggshells? No...far worse...antipersonnel landmines...claymores, bouncing betty's....oh it sounds dramatic....it is drama, every minute of every day....

And so...we choose daily to love, to hurt, to forgive and dismiss until all the things we pushed down top the surface and can no longer be ignored.

I pray you choose you today dear friends....it does not mean being unkind, or forgetting those around us, no....it means that if someone is toxic we can choose life and walk...to build the boundaries until they come easy as breathing...choose to protect that inner child, be the adult you needed in your life as that young wounded person.

Go with God today dear hearts and live, truly live...choose life, love and liberty...freedom from fear and into a peace that passes all understanding. You can...if I could I know you can...the strength lies within you, the courage a bulwark God has given you...

Walk tall...stand proud...speak truth....with kindness, with grace, with dignity as your shield....