You're Alive

When people; therapists, police, victim services, close friends... when all these people tell you the same thing, it must mean something... right?

When grieving the things left behind, the most common of all responses is...

'You made it out with your life... that is worth so much more!'

But you see... when we finally get away, when running for your life,

sure that you won't be alive to see another sunrise only minutes away, you do not think of all the items you should pack with you. There is no time, only the very instinctual flight response... RUN!!!

Upon hearing this caveat from some genuinely caring and compassionate people, my response was.......'What? Ummm NO.... my life isn't worth any one of those items of importance.'

I was being assured that I was the most important thing to come away from that violently abusive situation, but I did not for one second believe it.

It fell on deaf and dumb ears....

Water off a ducks back... it slid right past in my disbelief of the mercy granted the monster while the victim of said monster had to make do.

I had been indoctrinated if you will, mind-f*cked, and brainwashed into believing the exact opposite until there was nothing left of me to believe in.

Nothing but those few important items and the man/monster who was controlling the shots.

So when left with nothing but myself, you could see how this would be a difficult positive to process, never mind accept as truth.

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day I grain ground on believing that I am the most important thing that came out of jumping ship and getting the hell out of dodge.

That the man in question lost out on a love that would have gone to hell and back for him.

That lies, betrayal and the varied ways I was abused will never happen again.

Ever...

I will gain strength and peace of mind.

Everyday is filled with peace, the peace of not walking on eggshells, not wondering who he was filling his days with now, what lies he would tell in the coming days, no more fear of his rages, his violence upon me.... no more. That is peace.... priceless.