forgetfulness and forgivable offences?

July 17th

We speak of forgiveness and yet retaining the memory so we don't let it happen again. Are there forgivable offences? Are there unforgivable offences? I've heard the wisdom that not forgiving chains you to that person/abuser. Keeps that connection open and halts the progress of healing.

Lets for a moment play the devils advocate.... or more appropriately the survivors advocate.

Only those who have been at the mercy of a monster/s can concretely tell you that there are indeed, unforgivable offences. Live with someone who absolutely and unequivocally LIVES off the pain and anguish he causes his 'loved one/s.' Lives off; the tears that fall after being choked to the point of passing out, the fat lip left from his slaps across the face, the bruises running down the side of your face from him slamming your face against the floor, the broken and swollen nose and split lips from his knee to the face, and finally the silence you retreat to in order to survive with a lil bit of sanity and because he 'maybe' won't hit you anymore.

This is just a small part, fuck me, so minuscule an amount in comparison to the horrors that abuse survivors across the world have suffered and the list of abuses I endured. This is what motivates me to question Forgiveness. Let's break it down......

Forgiveness can be a form of 'letting go' of the hold that person/s has on your life.

Forgiveness, well it could be God's way of teaching the human race exactly 'How' to survive the atrocities that the human race commits one to another. It's a word with a meaning attached to it.... Websters Dictionary proves it to be so. ;)

Forgiveness - the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may initially feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offence, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.

This! This definition is it.... This is what survivors do. We ARE victimized by our abusers! We continue to survive and when (you will dear hearts, you will get out! I believe in you) we escape, well, with that first step we begin to undergo change. We change as we are introspective creatures and always thinking of healing and growing. Why?? because the other option is to stay stuck in the ugliness in our heads that our abuser created and played with on a daily basis.

So.... Forgiveness.

Yes.... a must.

In order to grow out of this stage of minute by minute daily anxiety and fear, we must set out to forgive that monster/s who burned and scarred us so very badly. To let go of our anger, our duress, our resentment, our feelings of rejections and degradation.... oh I could go on forever with the adjectives, nouns, verbs and so on that we use to describe the atrocities committed. For they were and are atrocities that people don't see. We are essentially nameless and faceless. We hide our pain and our secret to hide our shame and humiliation and absolute belief that something is wrong with us and that is why the men in our lives have treated us so horribly.

Dear hearts..... take that step with me. Let's forgive and begin/continue the journey of healing and finding our joy and peace once more..... and us being the stronger and wiser for it.